~ The Million Dollar Baby ~ Blacksheep #8

Where was I. As an aside, this had to be, the most tumultuous day I have had in quite some time. I’m in awe of it all, work was bizarre as hell and I lost a person who I thought was a friend. Well, it was the beginning of a friendship to me anyway. One cannot ask for something and then not do it themselves, this makes no sense to me. Same goes for anything else in life. If you have a standard in life, you must follow it yourself. It goes both ways. I mean this literally and your goal, if you give this deeper thought, is to not only put that out but expect it in return. I do.

Well, onward. When my father died, I was the executrix to his estate. It was my responsibility to right the mess he’d made due to his medical condition, which was worse than I’d been told as well as the people who were literally taking advantage of him. Those people were dealt with accordingly. I’m not talking kindly either. I think the thing that bothers me the most is there are those who will take advantage of someone who is weaker than themselves. That was my father in the end. He was a poor misguided idiot. I have empathy for him, even now. He knew not what he did and was doing the best he could with the information provided.

I try and go with the premise, “Do No Harm”. That’s not particularly what those around me, at the time of my father’s death thought. They thought about the money, they thought about themselves and how to displace their emotions and feelings onto something deeper from a very, very long time ago. Suffices to say, at work, we do estate work. Worst trigger ever, fortunately, I realize it however it’s all the same in the end. Who is entitled to your money when you die and who is disgruntled when they don’t get it due to the emotions they carry with them based on their relationship with the individual who has passed. It’s a royal cluster fuck and at the age of 23 to siphon through all of that is no small task. It is incredible to be a part of, as I was, and incredible years later to witness.

My brother, he wanted money to pay of his wifes 15k debt. Yeah, no. That’s not happening. My hubby at the time, he wanted money to buy a couple of wave runner AND to live there “rent free” because I owned it however the real fact the house carried a mortgage, taxes, etc., was not in any way a thought in “anyone’s” head. All they saw was what they wanted which in no way reflected the huge responsibility I was saddled with. You can imagine, what he was told. More importantly, his Aunt had passed and she left him 10k. What he told me at that time was that it was his money and not mine. I never even thought it was mine to begin with so you can imagine, when I advised this human… :)

“Remember that 10k your Aunt left you?” Enjoy that. I will say, the pleasure was all mine seeing the smile disappear from his face. See, it wasn’t about the money as a whole, he didn’t give a flying fuck about me, my feelings, the fact that my father had just died. He literally cared about himself and what he could get. Greed is a terrible trait to carry. It’s ugly, it twists people into who they really are at their core. Goes to the Seven Deadly Sins. I’ve seen all 7 in various degrees in my life time. You are not entitled in anyway in this fashion, due to someone else’s death, to their “things”, their life savings etc., you are not entitled to it. You did not earn it, it is not yours. It never was. Suck it up buttercup.

Yet, the emotions during the siphoning through an estate have a wide array, you see a person’s true colors during these times.

My father left me with the burden of his life’s work and in the end, his mistakes. For two years I tried to save and fix the mess he created, due to illness, the people who were around him and the manner in which he handled things. I do understand. However for two years I tried to fix those things, to salvage anything at all of his lifes work. It felt horrible, so much responsibility to fix something… what? That was not my fault.

“It was nothing I’d done” :) I really like that sentence. It was literally nothing I’d done and the most freeing thing was when I recognized this. I had to sell the house, the renters destroyed it. An asshole who I’d gone to, in order to help me refinance it so one renter was enough to sustain the expenses, fucked me. He had the audacity to call me up after it was sold and chastise me for “my not telling him it was on the market”.

Orly? :) Fuck. You. I advised this utter fucking moron, that had he done his job, had he pushed the loan through vs. making me wait, this wouldn’t have happened, He lost due to his lack of attention to… the details. :) I mean, think about it, I apply for a mortgage to lower the payments, this shitidiot takes SO LONG to get back to me about putting it through I had enough time to sell it? Yeah, fuck you asshole. I’ve learned a bit since then, I was right, he really was an asshole. Mind you, I have no remorse over that. He got what he asked for.

I took a tremendous loss on the house. Capital gains loss they call it. Actually, I can still collect on that during tax season, I haven’t in years though. Primarily because paying a person 150 to do my taxes when I can do it myself for 20 because they’re simple is better.

It was severely distressing to see how others behaved. The people who came to the estate sale who were literally looking to take advantage and they did. Some did not, however, they were kind and there was this telephone table my father had restored, it was beautiful. It had birds on the front of it, my dad had hand painted them on it. He was very talented in this regard, he restored antiques for the longest time. I lost that when I got divorced, it didn’t fit in the car the day I left. It was my intention to go back, however… that never happened.

So… you see, in all of this. I could quite literally be an entirely different person. I could be bitter, angry all the time…

I’m not. I dare say, again, I’m proud of myself. I’ve seen other people who have gone through things and everyone is different, certainly…

I don’t like the things I see, that people can and have done to one another wherein they continue hurting others.

And for what?

Be good to each other.

Work on your shit man. Seriously.

I may have more on this. My sister, she went to the funeral, she went off the deep end after he passed away. It’s a shame for her how things went. We weren’t close, so … I don’t have an attachment to her in any way. It is a shame, just based on being a human being perspective. Because I grew up in the same house with her. That girl? She never stood a chance.

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