We write and share to sooth ourselves and share what we know with others. We do that “for us, for the SELF” that’s not particularly about others, the bonus is if and when we are helpful, someone else may and/or can benefit from something they’ve read, which they may never have thought about.
This blog is about me, my thoughts, my musings, the things I’ve learned and continue to learn every day. See, most people think this is self serving or conceit. That is what you were taught throughout life. That you must not be selfish, self serving or a narcissistic prick. I’d agree with that, however only in part because the idea of thinking for one’s self, isn’t particularly taught to us growing up or by society. We do as we are told. First by our parents, then peers, teachers, friends to some extent, the world around us and then we are supposed to make sense out of it however none of these things are “specifically” about US as a whole, they are a part of the sum and if we don’t think about who WE are “on the inside” (Think Ego, Super Id, blah, blah) it’s a possibility we may not be … dare I say it? Happy.
The internal struggle starts when we’re small. A child. We want to do, what we want to do and we’ll do that regardless of the consequences, perceived and/or real that there will be. Until we get older and learn better. And who is your teacher? Other people. So, we go about life defining who we are, based on the teachings of others and hopefully live through it. :)
The focus I’ve seen is not on “self” until most are in their 30’s and start seeing someone to talk to because they’re unhappy. Up through to this self discovery phase, we’re doing the best we can w/o question based on everyone elses “right thing”, not truly “ourselves” and/or what we want, more what we’re taught someone else may find pleasing or makes people happy. We’re taught what will make others happy however not “ourselves” … even psychology, in a way, does this. The focus should be on the self however it’s learning how to redirect ourselves, so we can cope and/or deal with whatever someone else has done. To whom? To us. So we can reframe the experiences, heal, come out a better more caring person and if one deviates from this, they do not fit in.
I dare say, many famous people, did not fit in. Thank god for those misfits huh? Those people create amazing things. I’m on one of them right now, gleefully typing away. Dugh.
You are the sum of your parents, friends, peers, school, life lessons imposed by others and until one learns how to process things for themselves, I’d bet you a whole dollar (it’s all I have at the moment) the underlying fears and things you do are all guided by something or someone else.They say the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. Doesn’t mean it was a mother, doesn’t mean it was a father. It could have been an Aunt, Brother, Sister, Cousin, a Home, an orphanage, adoptive parents, lots of hands rock cradles. Each individuals life experiences are unique.
I remember reading a blog on here, the parents were so supportive and communicative with their child, I had a difficult time absorbing it because that simply was not my experience. (Why you haz cognitive dissonance? O.O) Mine, certainly, did not know how to do that. They were also doing the best thing with the information provided to them, while they were growing up. All of that is learned and trickles down onto their children, generation after generation. Hopefully we outgrow all of that and do better, doesn’t mean it doesn’t leave a mark in some way. It does because while we’re working to be an individual and express ourselves as to who WE ARE they are trying to mold and shape us into what they think we should be.
Think about that for a minute.
Seems fair. Reasonable. However, the more I learn, the more I read, the more I see, the more I realize that there were so many things I did without knowing how to think and not having certain life experiences, nor the appropriate guidance (I wonder if I would have listened… good question, doesn’t matter, point of true interest though) to understand emotions or how to think etc., it was all based on influences of those around me and what “they” wanted or expected.
“Confidence is silent. It need not defend itself. It simply exists inside you.”
^^^ you see that? That is a tag line I created for my life coaching practice. It’s mine, I maded that aaaaall by ma’sef, dat moine. That was 13 years ago and in my infinite wisdom at the time, as to being all cocky and shit (certainly, lolol) it’s 13 years later and I’m still working on living up to my own tag line.
Not by someone else’s standards. By my own. I’m not saying I’m not confident. I am saying that Ifind past experiences and fears can cloud my thinking processes from time to time and when that happens, it pushes me to learn more. Why you not want to learn more? O.O
Thinking past an emotional trigger, when they can be so powerful at times, responding rationally to some fuck face who literally is asking to be torn apart, can be very difficult. Fuck that, it is very difficult. I see people who are using defense mechanisms to defend themselves and others all the time. Very biting, very calloused, very non-communicative and it pushes people away, yet they find one another and support these bad behaviors which break people apart, not bring them together. They are happily supporting one another because, that’s all they know. It’s how they process things and defend who?
Their (your) inner child.
Variables apply. However, I’m not going to be changing this perspective any time soon. I do it myself. My gleeful puppy ass will come up and out to play and I tell her to wait and see. :) She’s the best and the worst part of who I am. She’s gleefully and almost painfully unaware of how fucked up some people can be and the damage they can cause, my job is to remind her to watch where she’s going. :) Pay attention, things may not be as they seem. Take your time. Wait and see.
I remember, one day, I was thinking about the things I did in the past three years, I was shaking my head at myself, re-reading some of my old posts here and I wished I hadn’t gotten so busy as to stop learning and reading about psychology, myself, etc. I kept telling my one friend I was rusty, I hadn’t dealt with certain things, life coaching (not blaming mind you) teaches you to focus on good, draw that out, etc., and it got fuzzy as to implementation.
I supposed I “could” thank my prior friend from on here from hurting me so badly, which literally forced me to dig deeper into myself as to the “why” of it all and then the “how”. The worst part about all of that was, I felt safe and understood. I think more than any other time specifically, emotionally. Until, of course, I did not and it was nothing I’d done. Yes. Yes, that’s true in part, lawdy fo’give meh fo’trusting a kind stranger.
Who was he talking to? Who did he make feel safe and free from judgment?
My inner child. The part of all of you, that wants to be heard, understood, validated and cared for the most. Keep up now. :)
So like, those life lessons other’s impose on us due to their fears etc., and who they are, are they really worth it? If you were to reframe it, sure. Because w/o that incredibly mind fucking painful experience, I wouldn’t have met all these cool new people, begun to relearn and fine tune more things. Right? Yes. Let’s view it from that perspective, because it’s so much more soothing to … whom? Oh yeah, me. Right. So, really, to serve themselves, hurting me was actually a good thing because it was nothing I’d done. That’s pretty cool. Certainly. One experience in life over laps into others and if you are brave enough to siphon through it all, you may come out whole. Not w/o cracks, however better. Right? Yeah. We’re not going to give any credit to anyone else in how I think. I think that I will give credit to myself.
Be nice to each other. You’re all you’ve got. :)
Keep learning, keep looking, keep looking outside yourself for more information past your own life experiences, keep growing, keep doing that…
Edit: I moved a picture and deleted text on accident. Oops. I bought a workout program which hopefully won’t aggravate my old injuries too much. I seem to be drawn to younger men and I’d like to keep up. :) Literally and figuratively and honestly with all the things that have been going on, I’ve neglected myself way too much. I’m happier when I’m in my personal idea of being in shape and that’s where I want to be, period. Insofar as the younger men I like, no, no, it’s not about recapturing my youth in any way. Most think I’m way younger than I am anyway, it’s my personality, certainly. I lerff being teh silleh. In happier news, I got a new workout program that I may love and hopefully I won’t hurt a body part too much. I lean heavily towards younger men, I’d like to keep up, it’s motivating to say the least. Course the real idea of motivation is internal, I understand this, however a little push doesn’t hurt. I have a filter, how young is too young? Like… that’s like, what? Being a baby sitter? No offense intended although I may smell the butthurt from here, I really can’t fathom looking like someone’s mother, mmmkay? Euuuwwwaaa. I have no logical explanation for this phenomenon.
No, no, it’s not about recapturing my youth in any way. Most think I’m way younger than I am anyway, it’s my personality, certainly. I lerff being teh silleh. :)According to some I can hazz one! lolol That’s not like, insecurity, I just find it funny because that whole cougar mentality is irritating to me, I just like what I like and they happen to be younger. I’ll write about that nonsense one day too. No, you won’t like it, those of you who are a cougar. So much other stuff comes with that mentality sometimes. Wouldn’t I be surprised to meet someone my age who tickled my fancy in the same manner as someone younger? Yes. Yes I would. :) Woof. For the record, I’m not talking about immaturity or anything like that. We’ll see what happens.
Srsly though… they’re so cute. :) lolol Oh LOOK my inner teenager human adorable “Ooooh I like that” side. Woofie. I am a goofball. I like me. I’m a good egg. Maybe a little like a wingnut sometimes… even I laugh at me when I’m a bit of a wing nut. At minimum, I admit it. Why not? Other people are wing nuts too, some a little deeper than others, you have to peel your eyebrows off your hairline from the look of “HOLEEEE FUCK” what the fuck did I just hear/see etc.
Humans. Are we not… entertaining. To say the very least.