Again, men AND women do such things. We good naow? :) Thanx.
On the heels of yesterday’s post we have the follow up conversation. To be fair, I’ve given surface answers based on what I’ve wanted or thought I wanted as well. Because, human beings want to do what they want to do. How far one takes it, to me, goes directly to their conscience and how far they can push the envelope with whatever that “thing” is. Or :) until they get caught. Some do it, feel badly that passes, they do it again and before you know it they’re gleefully doing whatever they want because (?) They haven’t gotten caught. There’s an arrogance in this mindset.
A prime example of this would be this radio show I listen to. It’s fucking hilarious! It’s called War of the Roses. On it, they set up some fool (and sometimes it’s truly a misunderstanding due to a lack of communication and speculation) who is cheating by saying they will send a dozen free flowers to whomever they like and it’s FREE!!! Awww yeaaa! No paper trail! So, this is how they catch them. I caught the end of yesterdays on the radio and this one guy called in after the fact, in his arrogance and says, “That guys and idiot, I’ve been married for 7 years and I’ve cheated 100’s of times and never been caught”. And there you have the arrogance of some asshole who should never have been married and the woman who loves him. Do… you think she doesn’t know? Or she pretends like everything is okay when her intuition gleefully bubbles up to the surface while he may flip it on her that she’s just insecure. :)
So, moving forward, what also happens on the show is the “flip”. The flip is when the person who is caught’s defense mechanisms kick in and they blame everyone else for setting THEM up and ruining their lives for doing this… to… THEM. lololol Awww yeaaa partay in the back. Anger redirected to save one’s own ass is always entertaining and when that doesn’t work they shift gears and try something else. It’s human nature, psychology entertainment 101.
For the record, I do not believe all humans are … well, all humans are capable, I don’t think some could or would based on who they are as a person. Never idealize anyone. I can’t say that enough.
So, I brought it up again yesterday to honestly be fair about it. The conversation swirled around a bit, there were some light “what I’d want to hear” surface responses, we were laughing, she’s adorable I mean and she does say, she love her boyfriend. I believe her, I also believe that she may not be “in love” with him and to have a back burner guy, to fall back on soothes her in some way. Lots of people do this.
However, how is this having an honest one on one relationship? Certainly, we have friends of the opposite sex however this “meeting” as it turns out would be such that they would be out with a group of friends and … hahaha! Oh golly GEE! This other group would happen to be at the same place! O.O Oh Waow!!! what a coinkidink! O.O
If you want an open relationship. Do that.
If you’re into BDSM. Do that.
If you’re into polygamy. Do that.
If you want a one on one relationship. Do that.
Chose. The alternative is having a relationship wherein you’re not really being honest with yourself as to what? What you want, what your needs are, what you can handle in a relationship. Handle means, this fella she’s involved with has a job where he travels all over the world, doing things and has groupies who fawn all over him. She says she trusts him however, to me, to sooth her mind that she’s “safe” so to speak, you have the attention from back burner guy. Women do this too by the way, so let’s not pigeon hole one sex into any one reference point because you would be wrong. If you find that you ARE making a blanket statement, black and white, generalization as to either sex.
I’ll tell you now, you are making a mistake and a fairly large one at that. Do broaden your perspective please. :)
She asked me what I thought, I advised her that it’s not my life, I’m not judging, I’m merely pointing out the contradictions and she’s going to do what she wants to regardless of what I say and that’s certainly fine. And I mean this. HOWEVER be sure why she is doing what she is doing and be honest with “herself” about it.
I remember all of these things from when I was younger. I loved my boyfriend too, didn’t do anything wrong, the groups would go out, etc., and the thing is, while I didn’t cheat, there was an emotional need being filled. One specifically I recall was (and tit for tat isn’t an excuse) the guy I was going out with for about a year, ran into his ex-fiance. I knew about her however his behavior changed dramatically towards me. The manner in which he spoke to me, his habits coming over, the lying started, his entire demeanor changed. He was caught by my neighbor out at a club with this girl when he was supposed to be out with the guys. He also used the anger card to flip it and asked to speak to my neighbor who had called me while the boyfriend was over.
Yeah. No. Didn’t work. Thereafter, I went out with someone on spite. I did, but it was just to go eat and I really did like, guy number one. I was just so angry that he was lying to hold onto me because he didn’t know what he wanted so he pulled this covert bullshit. The boyfriend, then made it my fault. O.O Orly? You not being over your ex is MY fault? The fact that he was lying and sneaking around, getting caught to boot is “my fault”. Suffices to say with other interferences at the time from others, we didn’t last much longer after a couple months of that crap, it was over. We broke up. Quite the argument too. I was done.
So, really, do two wrongs make a right? I did it on spite, some would say turn about is fair play. I don’t believe that at all. I was wrong. Did I cheat? No. I was being a brat, I was hurt, angry, confused, I felt betrayed and figured “fuck you”.
See, hopefully we mature, we outgrow these things, that was 20 years ago. Friends and confidants are one thing. Back burner men or women some keep to sooth themselves are an entirely different thing. I have that article around here about being a back burner person. I should dig that out.
I’d put pictures in this however I have to go. :) Later
Who are you and what do you want. ?
Be good to each other.