So. :) We have yesterday’s discussion with said human at my job wherein she felt jealous that her boyfriend had given someone a compliment and we discussed it. You know, he wasn’t getting any because she saw something while trolling his page to see what he was doing, saw him compliment someone, etc., we discussed her insecurities etc., and we all have them. Know what they are, some will push those buttons intentionally “know who THEY are” because I’ve met them as well. They do it with intent.
So, yesterday, she says to me how this guy she’s been friends with since last July, asked her to go out “just as friend”. I said, “Bullshit” and laughed my ass off.
What she was doing, was looking for me to give her quiet (or not so quiet permission) to go out with this guy under “his” guise of just being friends to alleviate her going and doing something she knows she shouldn’t, because she is involved with someone. So, to me, break up with the one you have now, who you’re going to withhold sex from because you saw him compliment some other girl and you’re not telling him why, so he’s being punished sexually (and thereby punishing yourself in this process HELLO?) and now there’s, this other detail.
Claps hands gleefully. :) Squeee! This, is a very easy puzzle. Want to play? Yes, lets play withit. You can watch the pieces slide gleefully together almost by magic.
She’s been making random comments about how she’s bored with her boyfriend, he’s not doing this that or the other thing, she’s bored, he’s this that or the other thing, she scoped out his page saw him compliment someone else. He works out and belongs to a workout site, so he complimented another woman on her physic. She was in good shape too. Said young lady at work had also expressed how she had to get back in shape herself so to me, this leads to her insecurity over the compliment to the girl. She’s also been saying how he doesn’t understand her, etc., and how her kids come first and she didn’t want to go on a date with him after telling him she needed a break (she’s under a lot of other stress, I understand) so she said she’d rather go out with her kids (fine) than him however it doesn’t sound like, she wanted to go out with him at all. So… all I keep hearing is…She’s not happy. It seems to be his fault some how because he doesn’t understand her. Prior to yesterday, I’d ask her… did you tell him? Did you say why and discuss it with him and tell him what you’d like or did you just get angry with him. The grin she makes is usually indicative of a loud, “no”. Doesn’t make her a bad person, not that this story makes her a bad person, it’s simply proof positive people are going to do what they’re doing to do and then justify it. Everyone I know, has and will do this from time to time. I have and it’s directly in accordance with what my standards are as to how I treat people and how I want to be treated myself. If you’re an asshole, repeatedly and assume I’m going to tolerate it, you’re wrong and your behavior determines mine and how quickly you are removed.
Because I’m fairly articulate and don’t lash out irrationally at people, unless they ask however even then it’s not irrational, it’s direct. At least, I think so. They do understand what I’m saying, they can’t miss it.
Okay, back to cream puff here. LOL That could be her name! She’s a little thing, I do like her, her life and the choices she makes are certainly her own, however you’re not talking to a novice here. Been there, done that insofar as justifying something, seen it, see it regularly, may have crossed those fine lines a time or two however yeah, asking me a question, to allow yourself to be able to do something, probably isn’t going to yield one the response they’d like. It didn’t in this instance either.
So, she goes onto explain about this guy she met, at this park on 4th of July weekend and also, I might add they exchanged phone numbers. Oh yeah, sure you can make friends. Listen, we all know when we like someone or they like us, don’t bullshit me. If you’re on the same page, it’s reciprocal, that’s always nice. Moving on. She’s been with her boyfriend 3 years, so that’d be about 2 at that point. There was the opening ploy he made w/his daughter, that’s correct by asking if his daughter could go on the ride with them for I forget what reason, she agreed. Now, that’s all well and good and if she really was into the guy she was with “to me” it would have stopped there.
Oh, you can make new friends. Yes. I’m sure because taking the guys number and continuing to talk to him for the past year while scrolling your boyfriends page to see who he’s talking to while YOU are doing it yourself is an honest, healthy, loving relationship and that should be all about that. Right? lololol Are you kidding me. Srsly. You can justify this any way you like, and we do make friends of the opposite sex, talk to them etc., but that’s not what this is about. Keep up.
She says this guy asked her to go out just as friends. That’s her looking for someone to tell her to go, when she KNOWS that’s not his only intent (and so does he, puhleeze) so that people will agree with her, she can go off feeling some what guilt free because someone else said, “It’s okay, I don’t see why you couldn’t go and do that, it’s harmless enough”. She can do what she likes mind you, that’s her life, her rules.
So, I say to her, lemme see if I understand you correctly. :) Of course I said all of this to her, are you kidding me? I was kind, no worries. You’re trolling his page and see him talking to other women, you’ve been talking to this guy for almost a full year, you’re entertaining going out with him and probably using your boyfriend talking to that girl as a justification instead of discussing it with him, so you can go and do what you want to do and feel good about it. Is that right? O.O
She’s cute when she fidgets, I’ll give her that and I knew she reminded me of someone. I was right. Golly gee mon! So, she’s fidgeting, saying Noooo, that’s not why. I let out a horse laugh while I informed her she’s sooooo full of it right now and how she’s using the boyfriend doing his thing for her to justify what she wants to do under the guise of being “just friends” is utter bullshit.
Why do you humans make it so easy for me. Do you see how neatly the puzzle slide together? Like magnets ZAPP! Click. Oooh, look at the pretty picture we’ve painted and “claim” not to realize. Yes, please, by all means, explain it to me. I’ll wait. :)
Now. Of course I’ve made mistakes, I’m sure when I was younger, positive in fact, I made many choices out of being unhappy. It was, because I’ve done the history work, directly related to something they’d done. Literally. My mistakes usually were due to a lack of experience on my part, not knowing certain things and then walking away because “certainly” I should literally be treated better than that. More importantly, I have also listened to the well intended advise of friends because I literally wanted to see the good and not the bad.
Life coaching teaches you to focus on the positive aspects of a person so that can be enhanced in your relationship. I’m a fan, however never ignore and/or assume that’s all there is about that person. I’m saying, do not ignore the bad, that is also a part of who they are and should not be dismissed. People are who they are, they will do what they’re going to do and you can hopefully find a person who is on the same page as you. You’re not going to do that by wearing blinders though, whether it’s about them or yourself.
You have ONE life. What are you doing? I’m sorry, one cannot be in “this” relationship as a whole, while you are investing yourself in “this” relationship over here. You’re either IN IT or you’re OUT OF IT. I realize variables apply… I get it. Don’t explain it to me.