~ Contradictions ~ STFU

I woke up, literally in a foul mood. It’s a compilation of things, however we’ll go with where I spend my days for now. There’s that Chef Ramsey guy on TV who screams in people’s faces, that’s comparable to how the human @ work does it. His entire face distorts with rage like you’ve killed his first born. The contradictions in his personality are incredible however I’m a firm believer that he knows exactly what he’s doing. I have to say, I should be getting fees on the side for my skills which I implement on a daily basis. So, back to this guy Ramsey. I’d said I couldn’t stand him screaming in people’s faces like that, it was unacceptable another person said that he wasn’t really like that and later on in the day, someone put up a video for me when I said I’d never seen him be kind.

Well. I watched the entire thing, it was approximately 30 minutes, including the fucking commercials I couldn’t skip. Fuuukkk However, it was worth it because I saw a different side of him, however the screaming in rage part, I’ll never like, that’s demoralizing and unacceptable behavior. The other aspect of who he is, wherein things need to be done a particular way, is very, very good. The boy knows his shit and I found myself agreeing with the things he wanted to implement at this other restaurant where he was asked to go and help fix. They were an utter mess, truly. He did an excellent job. While I was watching, it ticked off all the things that are wrong where I am now. I’ve said it before, repeatedly, to them, to myself, venting… ad nauseum.

The list I came up with is as follows:

* No system
* No organization
* You are told you can work out how things need to be done or are going to be done between the secretary’s (each time a secretary is hired he says the same thing, “you two work it out”) However each time he undermines those efforts because that flow is constantly interrupted by their demands and interruptions based on the manner in which things are run. Which is poorly and while I have explained to said human that the work load they have requires more people or better management, nothing has changed specifically in this regard. Although, I am right, trickle down conversations have confirmed what I already know.
* If you make a change, based on some explosion that occurred and they were part of that problem, those solutions you make are undermined as well because “you have to do this” not that, what are you doing?! The snarling I’ve done lately coupled up with the redirecting them, which they know I’m right however ignore, seems to stop those utterly fucked up rage attacks. I mean his entire face becomes distorted like … if they could kill you, on the spot with the manner in which they have those rage attacks, you’d be dead.
* New comers are afforded no training whatsoever to acclimate themselves and w/in a 4 – 6 week time frame, they’re ripping her apart. They did it to me, it’s that fucked up hazing thing they do. The pick apart her skills, they complain about what they know or do not know, they’re incredibly brow beating and crass to them. They’re frightening in the manner in which they speak to them, I intervene sometimes because I can, because I can’t sit there and say nothing, because they’re wrong. It doesn’t matter if I intervene or not, they’re going to do it anyway. The other day he chastised her for something and it had nothing to do with her at all. It never does anyway, he did it to me as well when I started. Circular logic, changing direction, changing what he’s said in the past so you’re wrong and he’s right, diverting blame and responsibility onto you when you had nothing to do with it, confusing you and others with the circular logic and changing the subject to confuse you and keep you off balance and all the while, initially anyway, you assume you’re dealing with a person who really means what they say and says what they mean. That, of course, is when all the redirecting starts, the fighting and the balls to the walls explosions start because I’m not having that.
* No help. There is no help available to get things done in a manner conducive to the way they “claim” they want things done. Everything you can possibly do is undermined. Do this, no… stop, do that, No, that’s wrong. What are you doing?!! You’re doing what they said, no, stop doing that, do this. No, why are you opening the mail? Well let me think, because if I don’t see it and you forget to give it to me, it’s my fault because it’s not in the book because I should have known based on “this” and that’s dismissed because “I” must have fucked up in some way. Well, that’s not true because if one follows the bouncing ball of responsibility it was fucked up from it’s inception because said human has a chaotic day and mismanages their time. They have this illusion of time in their head that is so incredibly off, it’s not even a little bit funny and that causes stress. For whom? For me.
* Illusion of time. Due to the illusion of time and we’ll get to that later, the commonly used phrase “don’t worry about it” those things are a preface to all hell breaking loose because they have an illusion of time as to just how long it takes to get something done and out the door. Just because “this portion” takes “this” long, they’re not factoring in changes, numerous changes etc., that will take place with suck the fuck out of your time and your day. Some of it, which I’ve addressed directly, is what I used to do. I would focus on getting all the small shit off my desk so I could breath (when I was in charge of my own files on my own elsewhere) and then (it was all important however… not my point) the larger projects I’d be able to spend 1/2 a day on or a day and get done and this was including interruptions or phone calls etc., so it’s about management of one’s responsibilities. One can not put up a shit load of shit work, bitch when that isn’t done and there’s no order to it. No rhyme or reason, then complain when THEY don’t see and/or recognize the manner in which things NEED to be done. I’ve been doing this shit for 25 years, I have a clue.
* Throw to the wolves. If I didn’t know what I know, it’s like being tossed in the woods with wolves nipping at your heels to perform or they’ll rip you to shreds. This mental and emotional overload lends itself to disaster because when one is that stressed out, the mind can only take so much so what happens is, all these utterly ridiculous things lend itself to things being forgotten or redirected which creates what? Utter, fucking chaos and that’s when and how things get fucked up. One can keep trying to organize things, they fuck that up. If you draw attention to it, which I do, repeatedly, it’s still based on something you’re not doing or they’ll lash out irrationally and divert it onto you. Taking personal responsibility has reared it’s pretty little head lately, that’s nice. However do not tell me “I do not understand”. I understand quite well and diverting everyone and creating chaos and stress based on intimidation tactics a lack of direction and yelling IS NOT MOTIVATING.
For that matter why am I being asked my input when they’re going to undermine me anyway? That’s assfuckward thinking and serves no purpose but to give me and others a false sense of having a say, which will be undermined at some point anyway, based on how backed up we are and we are and that has nothing to do with me. I assure you.
I’d talk about billing and such is run, however I’d throw up. Mismanaged.

So after watching Chef Ramsey there I thought… yes, yes!! I see! I already did, I’ve already tried to implement things, I ever wrote this great list here with every intention to address these things “again” when I went in today. For a moment I thought, I’d like to have Chef Ramsey come with me and point it out WITH me and I’m also open to me doing something different if it would yield a better environment. This morning… I realized… its futile.

So, here I am. Venting. Shocking. LOL And my eye just started to twitch. LOL That’s stress by the way. :) So, they’re going to let this new girl go probably and it’s nothing she’s done. She could be very good, they’re not giving her the time to acclimate and get used to how things are done and I’ve never had to tell her anything more than once when she’s asked me a question. She has questions, who cares, she responds well, she listens, she remembers and does it the other time around. That’s what one does. It does not take 4/6 weeks to become acclimated to a position it takes 3 – 6 months and then upwards as ones familiarity grows. Then you be jamon with things… PROVIDING you’re in an environment that is running well.

Which, is not. And I have to go now. :) I do the Devil Wears Prada mindset and I find, every now and then I struggle with the thought process of “Well if you want to maintain this type of control over another by undermining people and not trusting things and working in a manner conducive to getting things done, that’s fine. You want to be the wizard, I could very well let you be the wizard and responsible for “precisely” what you tell me to do, nothing more, nothing less because that’s what it boils down to anyway. Soooo… yeah, that would blow up rather quickly. Guess whose fault it would ultimately be?


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