~ Boxes In Your Mind ~ Parent Child Relationships ~

Hopefully as you get older parents treat you as an equal and not a child and visa versa. Meaning, in observing these two people, then myself and my daughter, you can see where patterns start very young in the relationships that we have.

With these other people, if you’re listening, you’ll hear the child’s voice, attempting to be communicative at times, softer, more articulate to try and have a conversation, based on what their father just said as to not firing off one question after the other, (they’re both adults) with the parent and the parent loses their patience as if he were still small. And, that’s when the arguing starts. If the father can’t answer the question, or feels he already has and more questions come thereafter, that starts an argument because the one doing the questioning, seems to want to be thorough and may or may not agree with the parent.

Then they stop listening to one another and that leads to the yelling, the arguing and the walking away crap they do. They’re horrible communicators. If you are going to work together, the parent child relationship “NEEDS” to be disposed of and they need to be like colleagues. That hasn’t happened, I highly doubt it will any time soon anyway. Both of them dislike being interrupted when they speak, yet they both do it. If they weren’t yelling after a while it would be entertaining to see just how much, they both contribute to the problem. The younger one actually, truly tries to be communicative however the older one, tends to shut him down. Thereafter, I went to talk to my daughter, she’s in her teen years and … lol The first thing she did was start interrupting me. O.o

I waited, because I can see similarities and I don’t want that when we’re older like these two. We do okay most of the time, however we could do better. I’d say w/in 3/5 minutes we were arguing. lolol I kept trying to express something, she kept interrupting me before you know it, I was like “Listen to what I’m saying to you!!!” and then, finally… “Shut up!” Just like these two. Case and point, their relationship is a parent child “adult”, mine “is” with a child.

The young lady at work, I’d suggested this to her. She was like, that’s no good. She hears them too and said she hopes her and her daughter don’t do that. So, I asked her how she relates to her mother now vs. when she was small/younger/child. And I waited. :) She gave me this cute expression, like… “Oh.” I laughed, it was so cute. I’m not sure how my relationship with my father would have been, if he were still alive however in the end there, I was the parent, he was the child in so far as telling him what to do and to get rid of people who were sucking him dry after he retired and moved. My mother, as previously mentioned, she and I would have went head to head, that was inevitable when I was grown and her size. I have no doubt. So, everything’s relevant and based on one’s environment, certainly.

Some parents are unfit, they can go do unfit over there and really, to me, the individual needs to reconcile for themselves, that it’s nothing they’ve done to have been put through such horrible and/or bad treatment. In lesser cases, the parent seems (so I’ve seen and it’s not all) we’ll stick to this environment, to assume they know best, they don’t treat the child as an adult and this creates a problem. YET they still fall back on old ways of behaving in other areas as well. So, you want to be treated like an adult, yet one still does certain things, which go way back when, mentally and emotionally.

Every now and then I’ll advise the two of them they don’t listen to one another because I want them to shut up and it’s certainly the other one’s fault. lol My daughter gets upset because I’m over protective however I’m fairly accurate and usually, if I assess something, I’ve been right and I’m trying to teach her something about life and the people in it. However, I have tried to temper that, I do well until such time as she’s not seeing something and I can. Later on, after whatever it is, is over etc., I’ll hear her say something as to how “this wasn’t right” and she didn’t like it and she prefers “this” instead. Soothing things as to how she wishes to be treated by the people in her life. In my case, I want her to learn, she’s still young. In these other cases, they’re adults and while the premise perhaps is the same, one looking at the other and being protective (because that’s what it is sometimes, other times it’s simply a difference of opinion and being badgered) and then the arguing starts when one or the other doesn’t see the other’s point of view.

I can’t say that I had a particularly good guide myself, in my house growing up. I do know what I do not want so I work towards that. I feel for the younger one at work because you can hear it in his voice, the frustration, the genuine interest in asking the question and he’ll try to approach said parent in a manner in which the parent suggested, but it doesn’t work and turns into an argument again. Not to mention they don’t “listen” and someone has to be right and someone has to be wrong and over time, they’ve both had valid points as to whatever it was.

Yet, old patterns still exist as to other things. One had to go pick something up the other day, under the guise of being “nice” they “asked” (a ploy, you’ll see why) said parent, “Do you have anything there? I can go pick it up, I have some too”. The ploy was, the father offers money to go pick it up. So, that is how old of a pattern? Son goes back into the other room, comes back out vs. leaving and picking the stuff up and “paying for it” and says, “Did you have anything there you wanted me to get?”

The only reason he did that was so said human would give him the money to pick it up. If he truly wanted to go and pick it up himself, he wouldn’t have asked the initial question and the asking again, under the guise of “being helpful” was so the father would give him the money to pick it up, which :) He did. It seems like, money is the expression of love or taking care and that seems pretty prevalent. If the boy really wanted to be helpful, he did not have to ask, he could have simply went, paid for it out of his own pocket and brought it back not asking for any money. Well :) He didn’t directly ask now did he, no he did not because he knows that it will be offered. Same thing with something else that went on for a while there, I couldn’t help myself with that one, that was the boys responsibility and it was directly given to him to be paid. We still are unsure whose credit card is being used to do it though.

Same with some other things as well. It’s interesting, so say the least. So, really we’re talking about doing things people will and can do, for as long as they can. It’s really truly none of my business, however “it’s right there”.

Reminds me of a friend of mine years ago who called me to justify being a brat when his parents wouldn’t “still” give him a 10% downpayment towards a million dollar home and they gave him the 10% towards the 800k home when that’s the one he chose. See, HE FELT that if he chose the lesser home he would still get the down payment for the million dollar home and he could pay off 40k of his own personal debt in the process. But… wasn’t that his responsibility in the first place, or was that his parents responsibility and he justified this by saying, “He was being responsible”… and “didn’t I understand”… O.O

Well. No. You’re a brat. i.e., Parent child relationship. Manage your shit. Everyone may need a little help from time to time, I made a mess of things when I was a kid w/credit cards. Yet… to me, since I’ve been on my own for so long, I wonder what gets into their heads. Begs the question, “should the parent pay for certain things” or “should the child learn to stand on his own two feet like the parents had to learn”. Barring those of course who have a lot of money, etc., you know? It also begs the question, am I upset I don’t “got it like that”. :) Fair is fair.

No. Not really. I mean, it is what it is. I do wonder though, if I would, if it were something available to me. Maybe I would. It’s like the safety net some may have, it’s nice how often does one use it though due to poor “management” of ones life?

All interesting things. To be noted, the new girl has bad dreams since starting working there. her eye twitches, she’s frustrated and stressed by the lack of symmetry and organization, the arguing between the two and that girl’s going to be really in great shape by the time she leaves, she’s going to the gym to get it out of her system. lol It’s not funny, truly. I don’t think I get a prize for having a high tolerance … do I?

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