My brother was good at the very type of emotional manipulation that this human I’m venting about does. If he didn’t want to talk about something, no matter what it was, he’d divert the topic by changing the subject into something “you” would want to discuss, however irrelevant to the topic at hand that may be.
His view of the world, was fucked up. I grew up in the same house, we’re different people, he went one way, I went the other. The other day, I was like “would this person do it to me” as to things I was reading. They referenced certain things that would promote them doing it, I was like… Oh, I’m fine then because I don’t do those things. It’s subject to anyone’s interpretation, I understand this but I don’t, so I’m not. I’d hope they ask me first anyway if something felt that way. Anyway, my brother… we were in my kitchen years ago, we were talking about something, I don’t remember what, he brings up “out of the blue” this old boyfriend I had. From like … whatever, 15 years prior. I was confused, so I showed polite interest, like “Oh yeah? You talk to him? that’s nice.” blah, blah. I didn’t know what that was back then. I do now.
When he got divorced, it was because, his wife was cheating on him. Yes, but he was fucking that girl who lived on whatchamacallit street and that was okay. Except, he didn’t get caught, so his idea of looking like the good guy was to divert all the blame onto his soon to be ex-wife and everyone knew that it was “her fault” because “she” was the one who cheated. Including, his girls. My father once told me, my brother would only come around when he wanted something. My father was right.
When my father died, after not seeing him for a number of years, it had to be like 6-8 years, I was the executrix to the estate. Meaning, I had the responsibility of fixing my father’s mess, he created, before he passed. There’s no sense in clouding this over, it was a fucking mess and so were the people who were around him at the time. My brother tried to make me feel guilty, by shifting the blame of why didn’t “I” go down there and take care of him. He’d retired, my dad, to Florida. My brother had gone down there and saw what a mess things were, so I asked him… “Why didn’t you go? You knew how bad it was, you visited him, I didn’t know”. So the idea of things was, Why don’t I go there to sooth his guilt and take care of dad, while he lived his life in the manner he chose? Nice… go fuck yourself.
How was cleaning up “his” (either one of them really) mess my problem either? It was not my mess, I don’t want to clean up another fucking mess that someone else created. Supportive, etc., sure. Show you, discuss, etc., sure. To my detriment? No. Other than work, my life is neatly contained, I could use more money. :) That would be nice however, I digress. I find it ironic that I work in law and I don’t like cleaning up messes. lol
Back to being the executrix, which for those of you who many not know, is the person who is appointed to take care of a person’s belongings, their life’s stuff when they pass, so I was 23 at the time. My brother, in a separate conversation after my father died had married a woman who had spending habits like a hoover vacuum cleaner sucks up dirt. I don’t mean tiny fluff balls of hair, I mean a rock quarry. She had $15,000.00 in debt piled up, credit cards and my brother, assuming that there was any money whatsoever in the estate, was all like… “Oh do you think, you could “give me” 15k?” Hmmm… lemme see, you’re not offering to help me with the estate, with the mortgage, the taxes, the renters, the insurance, etc., with the responsibilities, you’re going to come and “take” AGAIN like you usually do. I advised him that this was not a “gift” this was a responsibility that I had and that there wasn’t any money left. His wife’s spending habits and his inability to control that shit? Was his problem. Literally. I found out years later they had 10k saved up for the kids college funds and she blew through that too, w/o his knowledge. See… when you are in a relationship, if someone is spending your shit what the fuck is wrong with you?
You could say, “Well they hid it from me… ” Okay fair enough, however why aren’t YOU paying attention “together” as to the family finances within that relationship and allowing, via your selective blindness, someone the ability to fuck with your shit? O.o She was broken too by the way and I know why she did what she did, that’s not my problem. That was his problem and it wasn’t my job to bail him out.
I did sell him the car I had at the time. It was an extra one. He came, gave me the cash, which was (smh) under what I paid for it and of course, we didn’t see him again until I moved. Suffices to say, my father was right, he only comes around when he needs something. Suffices to say, I want nothing to do with him. My father actually was a simple man who was easily manipulated. I didn’t do it, however in hindsight, he’d got taken quite a bit by many people. Repeatedly. When I went down there, to clean out the house and take care of the finances, a lot of heads rolled. People were sucking the fucking money out of him left and right. I understood why, he was old, he had become disabled after going there, he was easy prey for cunning twats who surrounded him on all sides.
He didn’t tell me it was that bad until towards the end. At that point, I’d told him to send me plane fair, I couldn’t afford a ticket honestly and I’d come down and clean house. You don’t prey on the weak, it’s unthinkable. He said no, he was fine and he hid the details of how bad off he really was, which I found out when I got down there after he died.
I couldn’t figure out yesterday, how to continue on with the black sheep series as it pertained to my brother. He was, over the years, like a huge splinter in your foot. You dig out the larger portion, a sliver remains. It’s that sliver, over the years, which shows up at random times when he chose to show up and not for me in any normal, healthy manner as I feel a brother and sister would do, but for his own devices… the sliver is worse than the larger portion. It brings quiet reminders of the bigger picture that you “thought” were long forgotten. So, do you allow the sliver to continue to dig in there and cause you pain? or do you remove the sliver. You remove the sliver, reconcile what it meant for you and cut them loose.
Toxic people can go fuck one another over, over there.