This morning, I fell across this one which the person wrong wrote along the top “easier said than done” as a header.He’s right. If you are fortunate to know yourselves at all, you may be able to say this with a straight face and believe that you really did try “everything” within a particular relationship, to make it work. I’ve said it, I’ve done the work, reviewed my entire life from start to finish. I tried with the information provided at the time, however knowing what I do now, we tend to attract certain people to us, who mirror things we’ve gone through (not all the time, however enough for it to be relevant, to greater or lesser degrees)… when? As a child. Quiet insidious things, however there just the same, hopefully we figure those things out and come out better for it. More importantly, everyone has a different perspective of what they feel love is. I’m sure it’s not being stifled. What they tell you is to treat others the way you wish to be treated. I’m a fan of that, HOWEVER the part you are missing IS that you would like to be treated in the same manner, you are treating someone else.
Some assume that through osmosis that if they are kind enough, loving enough, etc., that the person they are with will “change” over time and love them back. This is untrue. I have seen many relationships over time wherein a person wastes a ginormous amount of time with an individual and the reality is “Unless THAT person see’s the need to change, on their own” it’s not happening. My friend and I have had this discussion over the years, be yourself. This mini quote thing, is well intentioned. I will say, with all the arguing and trying to communicate that I have done over the years in a relationship, it did not change who that person was, inevitably we broke up. Primarily because we were not on the same page as human beings. Don’t forget the good behavior period in the beginning where people are all giddy and excited, want to fuck each other silly, because they’re just that adorable. Which :) Is really cute, however it erases teh brainz as to who you’re really talking to and who they really are. As a whole.
So, what happens is, you’re confronted 3 months to a year, down the road… with “this other person” as the newness wears off. I suggest you be yourself, I further suggest you pay attention to who they are from the beginning. It serves the two of you, otherwise… what? I had a brief conversation with this person the other day about the irrational things the opposite sex can do and will do. They meant it in their own personal way, certainly, I mean it in mine. Neither one of us were there, to see the other’s point of view or what happened. This is fair statement, serves both parties w/o assuming the worst.
Insertion: So we’re on the same page, this post is a compilation of several different things, that collided in my brain, which… made me feel disgusted at the things people can do to one another. FFS’s STOP THAT SHIT. Pick a nerve that’s triggered all kind of things, they’ve been struck. Unintentionally as to some of them, due to content. However one thing, lead to another, to another. Rather than being an ass to someone myself, this is better.Then there’s this one, initially based on the person who put it up, I understand the why of it, they’re having a rough time, they’ll pull through it as they resolve their feelings. It’s how I think anyway. A person who it is not my intention to put down in any way says… “If we have a problem with what someone else is doing, it’s us with the problem”.
I understand the wizardry of this comment, they intended it towards the picture, perhaps the individual having a rough time. I understand and this is speculation at best. I quickly came here because the series of events, for me, recently… combined with these things, all collided and I thought it would be best to vent instead. Because that’s the primary issue, how they’re currently all affecting me and how I’m going to process them versus lashing out irrationally at some poor human being who doesn’t deserve it. Mind you, before you get your panties in a bunch, I am not talking about being supportive of another human being when they’re having a bad time.
Psychology teaches people how to reframe things, to use cognitive behavioral therapy, cognitive biases and explains cognitive dissonance in a manner conducive to YOU being the one who has to contend with what that asshole over there is dishing out. I am not a fan of that much responsibility for SOMEONE ELSE’S BEHAVIOR. That’s their behavior. I am a fan of knowing when it’s THEM and when it’s me. I can take responsibility for myself, however they must as well, if they’re so inclined. Many nice human beings I know will. The others are utterly clueless as to how their actions affect others and NEED TO BE disposed of from your life as quickly as humanely possible. If you have the time, please feel free to click the link. Removing volatile people, etc., is always better.
Because, the bottom line is, it WILL BECOME your problem over time. And…
“It’s nothing you’ve done” … taking on, the thought process that YOU are the one with the problem when confronted with an individual that is an utter moron, is like … wiping your ass with sandpaper and saying, you should tolerate the road rash. Psychology is screwy that way and it is my intention to make sure, to be very, very literal about this. They tell you to focus on yourselves, to process things in a manner conducive to you being well. THIS IS SAID in well intended forms, HOWEVER I would highly doubt that it was ever the intention, of any founder of psychology to assume, in any shape or form, that you must concede to some fuckheads bad behavior in any manner.
Following the bouncing ball here?Sometimes things ARE NOT YOUR FAULT. It is them. They say, “work on yourselves” I say, “work on yourselves so you can identify, those that will eat you alive, make you feel bad, so you can cope with how you feel, redirect yourselves and get the hell away from other human beings who do not serve you”. Why on EARTH would anyone want to spend time, with some utter fucking lunatic?
That last question is rhetorical. And all the while, assume… “It’s YOU with the problem if you can’t tolerate it and YOU need to reframe it and find a way to cope with it”. I’m a fan of processing emotions and coming out better for it, that is invaluable. However, not to one’s detriment where they assume it’s “them” in some way with the problem. Know when to run like hell, and quickly.
That’s bullshit. I’ve never understood cruelty of any kind. I dare say, I’m not changing any time soon. To me, your goal is to know yourselves well enough so that there is never a doubt, in your mind, as to what’s really going on. Goes to personal accountability, to your mental, emotional and physical health.
If you bit into an delicious apple, the sweet juicy kind and it was bitter… would you say, “Oh haaaeeey, it’s just a little bitter. I’ll eat it anyway.” The next brown spot you hit, you eat is even more bitter (and a little mushy, eeuuuwwwaaa) do you still eat it? Apply the same analogy to those who are utter fucking imbeciles and leave them to their own devices.
People will change in their own time, when they are ready. YOU DO have the responsibility TO YOURSELVES to pay attention for who you are, how you act, respond, etc., and process things, and hopefully are able to come to some common ground with other people. I do it all the time. However the idea that I have to learn to tolerate another human being, who is emotionally, mentally and/or physically disturbing? As… I”M THE ONE with the problem?
That’s not happening. This is also contradictory thinking to my last few posts when things were calm during the day. I’d better make some changes, before it does any more damage… sadly, at this juncture, I don’t fully believe that making a change will yield a better environment.
Be good to each other.