Some of you know a person who is a son of a bitch. The son of a bitch is that person who shows generosity, kindness however has a temper, diverts things, blame, etc., uses psychological covert and overt manipulation to get their way. You have the gleeful task of deciphering if they’re having a bad day or they’re an abusive human being. Because even the best of us have a bad day. One tell, and I’ve written about it before, is when you’re confused. I’ll dig all those out again, those posts.
It’s annoying. Then, they’re kind, they have moments where they… against the grain of who they are, show you their softer side, the generous side and it’s like trying to figure out if one is in an abusive relationship or not. Emotional abuse is equally as evil as physical, although I dare say, they’re both equally as damaging to the human spirit. Course, there is good behavior period by abusive humans, until the next explosion. I’m intermingling things here as to topic and humans behavior.
If you’ve grown up with and/or around a son of a bitch, those confusing humans who show great generosity and kindness, yet have a pattern of behavior indicative of an individual who twist things around to serve “their” purposes, they could be playing you, OR they could be… :)
A son of a bitch. Meaning, some human beings haven’t quite gotten hold of how their behavior affects others, at least until you point it out to them. Good son of a bitches, if you redirect them, will slowly change over time… they have to feel safe to open up, because there’s a reason they are the way they are. Poor role models, their careers, mentors who quite literally sucked, their parents, etc. You get the picture? Good.
If you like, look up cognitive behavioral therapy, erry good psychologist knows how to redirect a person… wait :) “So they smell their own farts”. I stole that last sentence from someone and I laughed like hell when they said it. Those who are open to the sniff test will indeed keep testing you … some can’t help it, YET some change, it takes a while. Remember they’ve been that way for quite a while.
Some son of a bitches have horrible behaviors because they’re protecting themselves. Okay, most of them are OR no one taught them any different, it all varies greatly according to who we are dealing with. I work with lawyers. A lot of them are son of a bitches and this is what prompted this thought process. They are literally taught to win and at no cost. It’s their job, however I dare say the separation NEEDS TO BE in their mind that this behavior, only belongs in the courtroom.
NOT in their interpersonal relationships. Whether it’s staff, their family, etc., etc., this type of mentality creates horrible environments. What’s most interesting IF YOU are a good communicator, redirect them, address the things they do, over time you will see subtle changes in their approach. It doesn’t mean YOU WIN and THEY LOSE you fukktard. Although, I understand once a person stops a particular behavior, how you would think that… primarily due to the fact that you’ve finally gotten them to… what? STAHP DOING THAT SHIT. Mind you, not all lawyers are like this. O.o
Being above someone else in that self righteous manner, will not serve the relationship, or you over time. If anything, you’ll turn into the son of a bitch assuming you have control. You don’t want control, you want the behavior to stop, that’s your goal. Particularly if you do work with them, you’ll have your hands full.
These humans and others, were trained and taught to win. To divert responsibility, blame, the law and other things to serve their client and these thought process very easily trickle down into their personal lives. What is interesting is to see how a person can change within each relationship. I’m not a fan of an authority figure using tactics to make me feel small. I remember someone once said to me, “I sign your paycheck”. I said, “Yeah, And? Have you not seen my resume?” :) LOLOL Oh, what’d they do? Nothing. It didn’t work. They went away. Mission accomplished on a few levels.
If you grew up with a son of a bitch and I’ve known quite a few, you’ve been pre-conditioned, perhaps to have higher tolerance for them. Although, as I’ve gotten older, the emotional hits from bad behaviors etc., and manipulation which is a personal pet peeve of mine, doesn’t build relationships, not the disgusting kind anyway that’s just evil, one wants to remove them as quickly as possible once they’ve shown their true colors, are something that I don’t want to contend with anymore.
The lull in their behaviors is the most interesting aspect. In those times, you get to relax, feel safe, that perhaps they’ve reached some inner understanding, within themselves mind you… that’s up to them to learn. Repeatedly as those behaviors are deeply ingrained. It can take a while as their trust in YOUR intentions (since they think that way) is built up.
Anyway… in the end, one can redirect another human being and advise them what it is their doing, flip their behavior back on them, “make them smell their own farts” haahahaha and if you like, you can even keep a quite diary of the positive changes they WILL make. Providing they’re open to it in the first place. The reason for the quiet list of things they have made positive change about is so that you don’t villify (sp.? oops) them in the future due to a build up their behaviors in your system, which have now created an emotional trigger FOR YOU. You want to be aware of those because those triggers were put there by this person’s behavior, you’re not crazy, the anxiety you feel is directly related to their behavior and when YOU lose it, you’ll have to know what’s them and what’s you. See, they’re over it already, “their explosion” did not affect them, it affected you, you are the one with the trigger now. Thank you fukkhead. You can however reference past behavior as to “the why” you are reacting this way, in this moment. Not in a blame type manner, in a manner which says, “The reason I’m nervous right now is due to the other times this has come up where you’ve done “this”. Those who are not evil people, will exhibit change over time. You literally leave them no choice because they’re not getting away with anything. You see? I hope none of this sounds easy, because it’s not.
In any event, I have to go get ready for work. Your goal, is to redirect them NOT into thinking your way or turn them into a simpering whatever… it’s more along the lines of being able to communicate well, work together, have a better environment or relationship. If you sink to their level, you’re not better than they are. I promise you that. I realize, that is easier said than done, particularly since you’re literally learning from the best based on the things they do.
I’d say the question becomes. Do they know what they do and the why? I’d say yes, however I’d also say it’s become such a mechanism of relating to the world, it’s second nature, it’s part of them it’s a part of the sum or who they are. You’ll note attorneys rarely answer a direct question… a lot of people skirt issues all the time. Your goal, you lucky fukker is to learn how to identify it when it happens so you can redirect them. Some of that redirection will be nose to nose blow out fights. I hate those.
Then you decide thereafter if you want to stay there and/or work with this person. Literally. Over time they’ll permeate your system based on the enormity of their fukktarded behavior and letting them go is much wiser so you can gleefully skip away and leave all that negative, cluster fuck of emotion and mindfucking behind you. Oh, you can cognitive therapy desensitize your own ass too, redirect your emotions, learn how to process them quicker, etc., etc., that’s invaluable. Doesn’t make the impact of explosions better from any son of a bitch you may encounter, however the idea is to learn how to quickly process what this human is doing, when it’s you, when it’s not, etc. I teach my peanut these things, she’s getting pretty good. Not quite there in delivery, however I’ll get her there. It’s a necessary in life, to know and understand that not all people think like us, are kind, communicative and/or of any like mind whatsoever.
Life’s too short you know.
Be good to each other.