~ Irreconcilable Differences ~

Aaagh, my fine human’s who pass through here. The tangled web one weaves when first one practices to deceive. Human beings instinctively know what things they are going to be able to get away with, will do those things and the only time they will feel badly, if at all, is if and when they get caught. If they are this type of person of course. Not all people are, the shift from side to side, to middle to left to up and down based on who they’re speaking to. It’s the sum of who they are really, no harm, no foul.

No harm, no foul? Really. I disagree. I forget sometimes, people don’t realize just how much I know. The details of a person come out over time, who they are, what they’d do to someone else and more importantly what they are quite literally capable of doing to you. Particularly if it means, they could save face or their own ass in the process. I’ve done it, to a point, saved my own ass however those were extreme times and based on the actions of someone else. I don’t start such things and since then, 20 years ago, beings as those days were a lack of life experience, we’ve hopefully evolved since then. However, that’s not everyone.

I get excited when I assume someone understands exactly what I’m saying, in the moment I’m saying it however truth is, they understand based on their life experience. Which is fine, however it doesn’t go any deeper than that and will soon be forgotten or they’ll twist it around to suit their purposes. You do it too. I think it’s more important to see if “we” are doing it as well and then change if we don’t like it, however then again, that’s me. I do see people shift, I love it, they’re happier for it in the end. At least when it’s positive change.

Yet others, you must watch, like a cobra because they do have the capability to bite you when you least expect it. It’s not like you don’t know. I am quite aware of the things people can and will do. I see it all the time in different degrees. Initially, one thinks, oh cool! Me’be of like mind! Over time, the details of who they are come out and it’s simply not true. It’s not specifically about expectations either. It’s more along the lines of hoping that things won’t go south at some point and time. It’s more about wanting to have faith in human beings. Some you can, some you see good things in all the time. Others you must wait and see.

I remember I wrote something here a while back, others saw it, in a conversation I had later on, they advised me that they felt they’d resorted my faith in some way. :) I haven’t forgotten that and they stopped themselves from using something personal, I said on here, in a conversation to What? It’s difficult to believe a person who would say something like that after they saw it, has good intentions overall, it breaks trust and I don’t forget such things. It’s not like if you call them out on it, they’d readily admit it either. So, one puts those things in a folder in their mind for safekeeping. It would be under the sub-category of “is capable of using something personal they know about you for personal gain or something else entirely” (?). It’s this aspect of what people are capable of doing that’s always troublesome. It’s not like you’re going to ask, there’s no literal proof, cept me’be IP addy’s however I digress. It’s not like they’re going to be honest. It’s not like one doesn’t know what they read it at the time. And they really should not have thought, I was that stupid. If anything, doing that left a mark.

The truth is in the details. The truth is in the things they (anyone really) don’t say, who they show you they are over time, the white lies, the omissions, the part of themselves they don’t share, the very real fact that they assume YOU may only see the surface of any one given situation. That’s not true. There’s honesty interlaced in such conversations, I appreciate it, although I’m certainly not used to it. It’s a different level of being open with someone, this too goes in a folder, after all it is my life and I’m as fair minded as humanely possible, people change, it’s the “why” I think about. More importantly, for how long? I used to think that this insightful mind of mine, was a curse. I thought it brought me loss and things would happen due to my seeing things that others may not. You do have to wait, assumptions are bad and anyone can twist around things to sooth you or me. I’ve also said that it was ignoring this gift that caused the problem, so I no longer ignore it.

You have to ask yourselves, what is your attachment to this situation, this person, any given thing. What significant importance does this person have, for you, in your life and are you okay with it. I now view said gift as just that, a gift because I’ve said it numerous times, the largest mistakes I’ve ever made were the ones where I ignored my intuition. Course, as we get older, add other life experiences, tossing up all that information, siphoning through what we see now and cross referencing is… quicker. AND sometimes still we don’t want to see it, due to our attachment to the situation. It happens, I’ve caught myself. Because the world wants us to see the good, I see it, I also know for a very real fact that KDaddy is right, “People are going to do what they are going to do”. more importantly, is it okay to use something from conversations long past, to have someone assume that you think the same. The same words, the same values and is that who they really are? Frankly, that’s not what I see, the contradictions are endless. So, it begs the question, who are they really. Pick a standard, stick to it, don’t bullshit me. It’s all fun and games until all hell breaks loose. I’d like to avoid the whole, all hell breaking loose aspect. Thank you.

So, what’s under the lies and the omissions? Is it intentional? Does that individual over there think you’re that naive. I’m not naive. Nor am I rusty any more, I mentioned a while ago certain things we’re good at need to be honed, the thing is, it’s still exhausting. Are they afraid of what you’ll think? People will tell you the truth, over time if your listening in various conversations if you’re paying attention that is. The part that always sucks is that once the pieces start fitting together, the attachment you had to whatever relationship it was (i.e., friendship, or otherwise) you’re definitely disappointed.

Maybe it’s respect. Maybe they respect you so much that they don’t want you to think less of them in some way however human beings are like puzzles. Once you put all the pieces together YOU had better know yourself well enough to decide what you’re going to do with this information. Met a person, as an aside, who is like Nog (I’d explain, it’d take too long).

I put that information in their folder, in my mind. I truly hoped I was wrong. I’m not. That’s not personal, I get it. However it’s in their behaviors. What they do is, lure a person in, when they think they’ve gotten what they want, they run. It’s the game really, they’re a bit screwed up, everyone is on some level. What they don’t realize is that anything said human puts on the net is viewable. It paints a larger picture, as a whole as to who they are. It is a shame really, it’s the thrill of getting someone to do what they want and then when the game is over, they lose interest, they flit onto someone else. I see it, I’ve seen in a couple times. Do they do it with intent? I think on some level they know, I highly doubt they’ve really put any thought into it. At all.

I spoke to a friend of mine the other day who advised me I need to be using these skills, primarily because I can go from point A to Z fairly quickly now. I used said skills every day, however they were more talking about using them to make money with them. I do appreciate those who over time, talk to me, there’s no pretense and some who really think about what they’re going to say, are wonderful. Because they have put thought into it. If you’re paying attention at all, you sense this from another person. Those are the people I gravitate towards.

I thought, the other day, for the umpteenth time, the things I could do, to another human being if I literally chose to do it. Except, I wouldn’t be able to live with my conscience. I do not like being tested.

I’d say in closing, the idea of being a decent human being is doing our personal best not to hurt someone in this process. We’re going to, at some point, hopefully we don’t dig too deeply at the time. I don’t draw first blood, they usually start it. If I do and I’m unaware of it, I’ll remedy it when possible. However… you/they/others do not have permission to do it to me.

You have no authority over me. This includes bosses, friends, peers, whomever.

Mutuality, reciprocity, taking care… all good things. Be good to each other, we’re all we’ve got. Oh, you’re scared to be… what? Better … ? It is true though, being who you are will remove those who do not have your best interests. Although, one does want to be careful as to the agenda of others.

I’d prefer it, if we all realized, at the end of the day that we’re all we’ve got. I realize this is not going to change anytime soon and like something else I wrote the other day, I’m aware it all exists.

I still believe most people are good. Going about life, doing what they’re doing based on the information provided up to that point. Me too. In case you missed it, this is all about me. I can only imagine what it would be like to have a quiet mind, to not have all the details and contradictions pop up, to see things as they are, it’s still exhausting. It’s a different skill set then say, just hearing things… I mean it’s “right there”… so’s the good, the bad and the ugly… Decide who you want to be, be that person. Be good to each other.

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