~ It’s because of YOU I can’t have nice things ~

Father knows bestYesterday we were all discussing lunch and AB apparently according to this other person who stopped in doesn’t care for this one place. They were like, “oh they’ll be mad”. It’s a theme. You know, if you do this and that person doesn’t like it, they’re going to be mad. Other times it was, so’n’so is going to be mad… and/or “I’m going to tell” OR “So’n’so’s going to be mad because… or “If I do” or “If they do whatever“. I remember a different person, same environment, was like Oh, you don’t like that? Well… I’m telling “this person”.

Really? Really. How old are we? This is an old way of relating to someone and I realize/recognize that, however we’re adults now. Courtesy and being considerate is one thing, worrying someone is going to haz mad is another.

I understand no one likes it when someone is mad at us/them/someone. No one likes it. I understand. I certainly don’t like it in the varying degrees I’ve seen it in my lifetime. Some things we understand and try not to rile someone up over out of respecting them, other ways are more a fright thing where if you do this, there will be hell to pay. I’d be rich if I had a dollar for every time someone was angry at me. If it’s something that I’ve actually done, didn’t realize and had no problem with at all, certainly. Lets work that shit out.

The other types wherein someone is angry to shut you down, get their way, twist things etc.,

You can't be that stupid.

You can’t be that stupid.

that’s not about you. So, this person was there yesterday, first time I’ve ever seen them truly smile yesterday and I was like… “Look at you all smiles today, it’s nice!” Awwwwww. Anyway, they said what I mentioned about someone being mad and I was like, honey… so? No, really… so? Every now and then, compromise can be made and I’m sure there’s something on there. As it turns out AB has a grudge (shocking) as to this place. Okay. I don’t neither does anyone else. Grudges are exhausting too. So you know. I hadn’t heard that word in a long time. Anyway, it was SO GOOD because we did order from there. Nom, nom, nom, nom. :)

Yup, wore makeup again. lol Only this time, it was 1/2 for me 1/2 for the idea of it and I have these cool sneaker/wedge shoes which brings me almost eye level. Posturing is very interesting, read up on it. I’ve decided that what I’m doing is for good. My good. Sarcasm too… not too biting and completely the truth. I can live with that too. I don’t want to hurt anyone, I simply do not want them hurting me.

Rub mah belleh O.O

Rub mah belleh O.O

There are animals in the office, fluffeh good mushy moo cuddle bugs who slobber. Eeeuuuwwww lolol! Wuv doze babies and they’re the reason we can’t have nice things. In this case why one can’t wear nice things because while your eating (sometimes) they wanna see and haz sum and den dey ook’atchew with those big fluffeh eyez and while they suck up, they slobber on your clothes … Yeah, they win 95% of the time. ha! I had a nice sweater on yesterday and big fluffeh came over to suck up as well as get some lovins. It’s in turn. If they’re not hungry, they’ll come over to say hi and smooosh their big fluffeh head into your body for a hug and some squishies. Who am I to deny them such things!!??

This one in particular has swiped my breakfast and lunch from time to time. Walk away, forget to put it up on top there, come back, look around suspiciously because “wasn’t my lunch there” and they are no where to be found. All that’s left at the scene of the crime is the wrapper/tin foil it came in. Well! Now whose fault is THAT! Mine. Certainly, I should know better.

This other nice critter talks. You can figure that out and they have my laugh down perfectly! You can hear us on a random day, they’ll start it. I hear it, I laugh, they do it and then before you know it we’re going back and forth, cept I’m laughing my ass off and they’re simply mimicking me what’s amazing about this critter is their desire to communicate. No really. I mean it’s incredible the vocabulary they have. We’re pals! ha!

Oh, yes, absolutely, in case you’re wondering if my heart cracks at the thought of not seeing Mistakethese guys erry day, the answer is yes. When I left my daughter’s dad, he had two children from his first marriage. I had decided enough was enough and we were pals though. We flipped over the bed, they taught me that. lol One time I did it and over estimated and slammed into the night stand knocking the lamp over. I remember one day I was talking to the littlest peanut and they were 6/7 … oh my, look at that… I have a leak in my eyes. Wha dat? :) Anyway, I’d decided I was going, I had no idea how to work that out. So, we were talking and they didn’t know I was going and after I answered her about whatever, she skipped down the hallway …

I tell ya, my heart cracked right in half. I stayed maybe 2 months longer because of that. Maybe by some miracle I wouldn’t have to hurt these kids. Ya know? When it came out that I was leaving and I’d said I got an apartment up here, they said to me… “But… how will you see daddy?” I couldn’t even speak. I managed to stammer out, “I’m not honey” and there we were for the next 20 minutes in the kitchen. They ran to me, I knelt down to hug them and we just sobbed. It was a tile floor and my knees were in so much pain (I stayed as long as she needed me to, not a problem)… smh.

WTFIt really does not help right now that Mike and the Mechanics just came on my iPod. About a year after I left, or more, I forget. The kids made me a locket for valentines day. In the beginning they would sleep over now and then, so I could see them and certainly their sister. (My daughter) That stopped over time and I didn’t think about it. Anyway on valentines day they sent up a heart locket and I thought that was so sweet. I didn’t expect anything to be in it, so when I opened it and there was a picture of the both of them inside …

You don’t simply tear up in those moments. I sobbed, I mean, I felt horrible. I had to do the right thing for myself but it came with other things. Truth be told and interestingly enough, I have tears streaming down my face right now, just remembering it.

That was 13+ years ago. It’s illogical to me that human beings can not be nice. In the simplest Calvin and hobbsof terms. See, things you go through, they stick to your ribs. Everything, as you know, you’ve ever been through is in your mind. Sneaky little things.

I hate fighting. I really do. It just breaks people apart. Well, I’m going to go now because it appears this one thing has dug up more than just this one thing. What goes in, must come out. If I was paid for every time I hear how people play all these games, I’d be retired. Are they really, this fucking unavoidable in certain things? Don’t answer that. I understand.

Be good to each other.

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