~ Le’Yuck ~

So did this today lolol The fella at the grocery store was different, that was interesting. The contractor was also looking at me and forgot what he was going to say. lolol I hadda boss years ago, EB and boy did we argue. He was like this guy matter of fact, cept there there wasn’t any suppression whatsoever. I had a second job that would sustain me and room mates too. Plus the other attorney said to me one day when I was venting, what do you suggest I do? He said, don’t let him get away with it.

And that’s when the fighting started. It didn’t get to me (at 26) like it does now, it’s those variables. Anyway, I went in comfy there too actually, jeans and stuff and would doll up at random just because I felt like it w/no yucky motive behind it and I had this really cool stuff (can’t find it anymore) and I really did my eyes up sessay. :) He couldn’t look at me either, he forgot what he was going to say and I thought… what’s wrong with him? And then I realized ooooh… and then I thought, really? Huh.

Today was no different, which is cute/flattering. I find that interesting too, you know the things that have an effect on people. Some, as I mention this morning do it all the time, it’s like how they go about life etc., I know how, I simply never liked it as a tactic to manipulate someone in the manner in which I decided to use it today. He did the same thing, I stayed the same and kept up with yesterday’s garbage. A comment was made they were locking the door so no one would take me and I said, no worries there, I’d just stab them in the eye with a pen. Oh yeah, pens are a good weapon, keep that in mind. Keys too. One should be prepared for things in case something bad happens. I’m a fan, you never know.

So, how did it work. First I want to say how it feels. I felt fucking horrible and the reason I felt fucking horrible is because I did it with intent. It’s one thing to be angry, vent, talk shit about what one can do in a situation? Usually the venting gives me the evil smile and then I’m all like. I’m not going to do that, that’s fucked up. I’ve told people what I would do and I know how. They’d be all like, I’d never fuck with you and I’m like well that’s cool because it’s not something I’m ever going to do anyway. When I get to that point… and I’ve tried different things and it’s all fucked up … I would rather walk away. It would cause more damage in the end to all parties involved to sink to this type of level.

Me’be tomorrow I’ll wear slacks. haahahaha! And feel just as miserable inside because it’s done with intent, that’s going against the grain of who I am. I have no idea how people who do this shit on the regular actually walk around in life feeling good AT ALL about ANYTHING at all… particularly themselves. Euuuwww It’s disgusting. What’s interesting is they slide right through it, doing shit to others in their fucked up little ways and they’re … quick with it, slide right out like musical notes in a song. It’s incredible. I mean back in the day, it’s not that hard to put someone in their place, nor is it today however that’s some exhausting shit. To maintain polite courtesy and not relax an just be? Le’yuck man. It’s disgusting. Oh, so how does that make you feel? Like pure an utter crap.

I mean, (rhetorical) how on earth do they walk around on earth living with themselves? I don’t understand it. It’s fucking exhausting! Eeuuwww GROSS. I know, I get it, but gross man. To sense that off someone is disgusting as it is, to do it even in such a small degree? That’s disgusting too. Now, did it work. Yes it did. I have no idea to what degree, that would be speculation on my part, which would be bad. Combined it gets to them. I see it, little things, little gestures, peace offerings they do, little things. So it’s like… again, this is who they are how their fucking mind gets all twisted up like that is a massive lack of emotional control IMHO.

Naow. The real question is do I continue doing subtle shit like this. I’ll let you know when they freak out again what that answer is. Because telling them to stop it doesn’t work and I’ve addressed as one is supposed to when things are calm as well. THEY ARE aware of their behaviors otherwise there would not be those little things. 2x’s today when they were doing little things in their trying to talk about something or explain something, “I” felt guilty. Because what I was doing was with intent and I’d remind myself, they are aware of what they’re doing or they wouldn’t be doing those little things and it went away. I gotta tell ya though … I don’t know how a human being can knowingly and intentionally fuck with people the way I’ve seen them do and live with themselves. I really don’t.

On the way home, different instances came up of all the people over the years who did all these things and I was shaking my head in my truck like… how fucked up are they. All these details and it was prior to my even knowing what it was too. I remember one person would be nice to everyone else in the office but me, this was like almost 20 years ago now. I was like WOW … one story after the other after the other and yes, they too were an attorney. Not that you have to be an attorney to fuck with someone, many people have these traits and do these things.

It’s disgusting. They hurt people. To sooth themselves and their shit. You know… I don’t know, I do know it was awful. Oh yea, tomorrow I’ll be wearing makeup again and we’ll see about the slacks. I never do that, I don’t have to, that would be like… mind fuck 101.

So, the question is, “IS turnabout fair play?” Seems that way, however the interesting thing would be how long said human tolerates it for an extended period of time. See, if a person is accustomed to getting their way (i.e., things go back to normal) and they do it again, they’re all nice and shit for a little while but it doesn’t work anymore, that could and often times does start something else. It could amplify it. The worst thing they could do is fire me. I suspect that anyway, so… this is a horrible experiment and these are subtle things. I like the truth better, I like direct better. You can’t mistake it when I say how I feel about something repeatedly and you ignore me. Some feel like people get what they deserve, I figure the door is what they deserve because human beings are just not that stupid.

Sure, they can lie to themselves, they’re not stupid though. Not by a long shot. I’m done for now. Be nice humans okay? Seriously.

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