~ Hmmmmm ~

psych1It’s not hidden behavior, they’re like that with everyone. I don’t care, it’s an observation. Meaning it’s just who they are which I’ve said in the past.
Yesterday at the end of the day they’d asked if I wanted to do something, which they know I’d like and I said, no thank you, it’s not necessary. Went back to work.
They are aware of their behaviors. They’re aware of what works and what does not and while they may not have control based on whatever is wrong with them, because it’s not personal in this sense. It’s person insofar as how it affects me and this is the most important thing. Again, just because I understand and see, doesn’t mean it’s okay. Same goes for anyone else.

Further, there’s some work that needs to be done and said human was putting off a meeting and said Oh I don’t know blah, blah… called made the time w/their consent and prior to hanging up they were like uhm… Me: Yes? Them: (oh insert whatever, I really don’t remember) their tone of voice was humble. Good. Stahp that shit and YOU won’t have to feel this way.

Everyone regresses to a particular point in their age/development when certain things trigger house1that part of their personality. As an example when someone screams in my face, I’m about… what? 3/4 years old hearing my brother and sister get into trouble. Not to mention the fright or flight shit but still. There it is. Or when someone’s getting into trouble, my brother, sister and I would … only with certain things, giggle. It was SO stupid … weird little reaction to stress. It’s the most interesting thing evar!

This human said once, they’re always giving away how they are because they talk about the things they do in their glee that they can do it because it’s a tactic, however those are all tells, i.e., patterns of behavior/tactics and things that they do. NOW while it is not completely my intention to be focused on them, these things are popping into my head anyway. Their idea of punishment is to not speak to you/me/whoever. I’m sorry… haaahah! You’re not speaking to me? And? This is bad… how? It’s quiet and I’m not playing that game. GOOD go do quiet. lolol Derp!

Note: this is a slide different from resolution things where a talk would be good, however when it’s an identifiable tactic, i.e., shutting someone out to make them do what you want, it’s like… really? Sometimes it really pisses me off (based on that relationship because… are you fucking serious doing that to me? like… I wouldn’t know and initially one may not, it’s insidious. But those are your feelings, not mine and fuck you for testing me in this manner, that’s not very nice is it. Noooo, no it’s not.), in this case the silence is lovely. They’re not yelling. Not to mention it’s a different relationship. Some people simply are quiet, like me, because they’re resolving something or stuck in their head. You see? So many fine lines. Lemme say that it feels different from each person.

self esteem assholeBased on my feeling it, said human feels it too. They’re responding to it, in quiet ways. All I want is for them to stop the rage tantrums. That’s it. No power and control over another, none of that shit. Stop the yelling and the tantrums. Said humans partner will stomp away after a disagreement, I stay out of those. Give him a few minutes and off he goes into the other room to talk to her because he feels bad. O.O

See… that’s the thing. I don’t want said human to feel bad, I don’t want to feel bad either. fucktardEveryone gets angry or argues, that’s fine. I’m not anyone’s emotional punching bag, I’m not here on the face of the planet to take your shit or anyone else’s shit. I’m no there to take blame or deal with someone else’s inability to come from a place of integrity and personal accountability. All those things have nothing to do with me because I do come from that place. When you don’t, you feel that in your chest, it goes against who I am. The goal is to make my environment better for however long that remains my environment.

I have no desire to be in control. Simply no more rage tantrums over NOTHING I’ve done because of YOUR shit. I don’t think this will work long term honestly. Because I can’t keep it up, it feels bad to me. It’s a boundary, it is emotional manipulation which is supposed to be for good. I feel a bit rotten however… they started it, they know. We teach people how to treat us and they have no problem doing shit to me. That’s not allowed.

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