… just kill’m fuck that personal growth guru shit. :)
I remember this guy who I worked with, evil little fucking disgusting troll. My coworker at the time thought he was like this challenge. I hadda, of course, get the fuck out of there but she thought… haahaha! Like most women who have tolerated and or been in any abusive relationship, in her case when she was younger there was more to it, she though Oh yeah! I’ll ween… oh yeah, roight. That mother fucker was frightening as hell.
So one day he was digging into her, she and I were pretty honest with one another, we’re glad it wasn’t us or the other one when one was the focus of cunt’s barrage of shit. I thought, no really I did, I thought… can you see it? Meaning, can you see when someone feels that bad inside with their heart coming out their nose? Can you see that fear and what it does to them on the outside?
Some you can, body language etc., in this instance though I turned and looked at her to see if, you could tell. Nothing, no expression… well the dead stare was a give away because I know what that is, it’s an empty look where you’re inside another part of your skull … it wears on you. There’s only so many places you can go in your system, you can look up stockholm syndrome to figure it out.
The thing is, what you think you see on the outside of a person is only part of them. No, this is nothing new. When I got into the coaching stuff I had a tag line something about the many facets of a person and that was true.Course you hadda come up with something which would resonate with the masses. lol I have, I like it, however it wasn’t to impress anyone.
My point is walking on egg shells, the swirl of shit like this nonsense, you can kill anyone with kindness, you can do whatever you like however to have them be the primary focus, like they’re some kind of science project and/or they’re going to change if YOU modify or change “just this one thing” it’s the checker board effect I talked about way back when.
They take a square, then you shift, that’s another square before you know it, all you have is the boarder. The empty shell of who you once were. This person I knew once used to constantly bust my chops about everything I did… so finally one day I said, “One day, you’ll look at me and say… where’d that girl go I met? And I’ll say, You’ve killed her”. This is true and I got rid of said human. People like this take away your spirit, they take chunks of your emotional and mental health and well being with them one square at a time.
I’m prolly not going to do most of the things I referenced yesterday. It’s the evil glee one can get over popping that balloon that mean kid is holding. I don’t want to be around it and something has to change or I will go. It’s just that simple. I really don’t even WANT to try anything new because that’s not my job.
In such things there is no particular compartment for it. If you’ve ever watched monster’s Inc., there’s a scene where the little girl is being growled at by the big blue guy with the purple spots. I’m Boo and the monster is my boss. Picture that and think about how horrid that is.
I don’t need to wonder how far he’ll go, how bad he can get past this point right now. None of it. I had my daughter go in one weekend to make extra money and thereafter he’d make snide comments about her filing and how she’d done something wrong. I ate him. I still have his toe dangling out from my teeth… (sucks teeth, spits toe out) Anything he hears, he’ll feed into, the whole group is defensive, the whole group is blaming, lashing out, diverting… I’m like holy shit none of this is healthy.
Oh yeah, I’ve seen some changes. To attempt to fuck with my daughter and my relationship by making comments like that? yeah. You’re off your fucking rocker. Don’t you worry though, that’s really not what their intention is. Your asshole it’s not. I mentioned I’m eating better etc., and the very next day he bought me a danish for breakfast. Same thing the next day. I was like, you realize any time I’ve mentioned working out or eating well (every time, no lie) you buy danishes or something like that. There was this flit of a smile across his face. It’s so disgustingly interesting to see these things. Days later he’s rationalized it… no no he’s made the perfect excuse for it and says something diversionary to remove what you see. It’s a lie.
He feeds the troll when he sees an opportunity to do so. This type of hyper vigilance is a royal pain in the ass. Course, I have plenty of ammunition to fire back. I’ve done that, it’s the truth and nothing is twisted and I’m every so… politely sarcastic about it. There are no boundaries within this group, there’s baiting, defensiveness… I’ve said all this. Nagging, it’s like skull torture. You can only block out so much of how that feels. It is nice to hear people tell the truth about said person. That kind of validation is nice to hear when you’re buried. It’s not like you don’t know, it’s just nice when others say the same things. Any time spent with this kind of fucktard can spin your head around.
I don’t think there’s a block for this shit. Because as soon as you relax, they start up again over whatever “they” find to start up over. Some people recreate these things because their system and mind, being so used to the drama literally pushes them to do it. Something is missing they sabotage things because they’re calm. I’m not a fan of medication however they should be on it. May I suggest counselling? :)
And people make excuses and rationalizations all the time for shit like this.
They had a bad day; they have a lot on their plate, they had this that or the other experience, I must have done something, I’m not doing enough… and this is what they “prey” on. Your insecurities. You can however take a person with good self esteem and fuck them up too because it’s insidious. You know, stuff like… how could said person fall for that? Because they didn’t see it coming… among other things and don’t forget people turn on themselves rather quickly. Add life history, conditioning, etc., etc., it’s not that difficult to see how it could happen.
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again… I’m not dealing with this person’s inner child, I’m dealing with the adult on the outside who protect him. That’s a tough nut to crack. I’m sorry, just because I can see it in there doesn’t mean they’ll let him out.