AT an old job I had, a co-worker sought to throw me under a bus as to my working on the weekend and what is she doing in here on a Saturday? I advised my boss when he brought it up (because of this creature getting in his head mind you) that if I were an employer I would want to know too, further I would send them an email every Saturday outlining what I’d done. Who cares? A case was dismissed due to said co-workers negligence and she tried to blame me. However, they were her files and based on said human trying to screw me, it was in an email that the files (2) that were dismissed were her responsibility because… guess what? I wrote that I’d put them in order as directed by the attorney and given them to her and they were then her responsibility. So in her zeal to fuck me with the Saturday thing she fucked herself in the end because I had proof based on the remedy I used to appease the situation. Ohaaeey! That’s a win/win fuck you thing ain’t it? Flutters eyelashes.
The individual I deal with on a daily basis is almost a master at diverting blame, they also have an illusion of time and that we have so much of it before things are due. It’s a mistake I used to make when I was in charge of all my files. I would have stacks of work and put the major thing off for a reasonable amount of time, getting rid of the little stacks, figuring it would clear my desk. If it’s done where you intermingle things, that’s better and there were always interruptions, there always are, however one must focus on that big ass job in advance and learn to let the little things go. One ALSO should have the appropriate staff in order to make that happen, however no place I’ve ever worked had that capability.
We’ve already had the fight as to them saying to me, “YOU ” It’s always me on those days, did said human take your medication today? Yeah, their medication helps them… I can see the need for it despite the fact prescriptions scare the shit out of me personally. I still say had some gotten the help they needed perhaps it wouldn’t be so prevalent insofar as being prescribed.
Yesterday was one of those times that because I had a bad memory ???? it was my fault they didn’t review something that I’d given them to review, someone called, they had a fit over it and blamed me for it. Why? Because they didn’t read the file. So, certainly, it was my fault. If I just stare said human in the face, you can literally hear the gears grinding as they twist the details around to suit their purpose, save face and make it about me.
We’ve had the discussion as to writing things down wherein they’ve said, “When YOU have to write something down, it says you can’t remember anything” Insert perplexed expression here. My response was, “If that’s the case, the idea is to remember so why not write it down?” You can’t possibly remember everything, everyone falls from grace. Cept my one co-worker, she had SOME brain. So, lets say that some can and some cannot, some fall some where in the middle, however that’s not my point.
Suffices to say, there were 3/4 pieces missing in the puzzle as to why they were yelling/screaming and having a mini tantrum which I figured out later with the person directly and we remedied it. It was from 2 weeks ago. So, if the first tantrum human is worried about saving face then take the call later, do a review call them when you have refreshed YOUR fucking memory instead of screaming at your staff (me) who hasn’t seen it as well in two weeks. Because based on their not reviewing it, that’s what presented the problem, they didn’t read the notes, they missed it entirely… however it was certainly my fault.
One of the reasons I’ve set higher, stronger boundaries is based on literally hearing how some members in this environment will take something you have said (anyone really, it’s totally not personal, it’s something they just do) twist it around, add words and what you said originally has been twisted around to, waaait for it!!! “Serve themselves in a manner conducive to them getting their way OR being … dare I say it? Right.” GASP!!! No way!
This is not only in this environment, lots of people do this all the time at varying degrees and for a variety of reasons. The three communication books I have here, one is specifically for good communication skills which was difficult to read at the time and I review often has invaluable tools and then we have the other one about how to argue, the companion to the first (both can be found at vitalsmarts.com and then the one on the verbally abusive relationship quite nicely. I’m listening to the arguing one on audio right now.
I’ve already had the blaring nose to nose fight with this person as to diverting blame and responsibility several times. I see change, it doesn’t last when they’re triggered. You can’t get a person to stop an ingrained behavior by only addressing it once. It’s been there a long time and they must be redirected constantly (whenever they do it) course that’s difficult when you’re in fright or flight mode and trying to answer a question while someone is screaming in your face over something and then says YOU have the bad memory. Further, when you do ask questions and I’ve addressed this directly as well (another fight mind you) they yell and then they’ll yell because you don’t ask questions. So YOU have to address a person whose behavior can be explosive one minute and calm and you have no idea what specifically they will explode over. The other book I have here is about verbally abusive relationships and the things a human being will do to divert blame, etc., etc., and have power over another. Start mingling these things together and it all makes sense, however it’s at my expense. Just because I have the tools to deal with it, doesn’t mean I want to, nor does it last for an extended period of time.
So, in going on one conversation wherein they were all like “Just ask me” (no one wants to) I followed that suggestion. Stupid really because that exploded in my face because I asked a question they couldn’t answer so to save face, they lost their temper. Then we had a fight about how they tell me to ask, however blow up so there’s no point, why would I want to speak to them if they’re going to lose their temper and make it difficult to speak to them? Pick a personality.
Someone yesterday said they realize that when this person “calls them” they are more communicative vs. when they call the person is more explosive. This made perfect sense. People know how other people work and they act accordingly so when all things are considered, people do what works based on who they’re dealing with. I’m not of the mind to keep this type of person around and I wonder how intermingled they all got and what they all deal with that keeps them together because it is (no it is, they tell me things all the time, separately) it’s incredible.
Another person called thereafter and said I sounded depressed, I advised them we’d just had an argument. Said person said would I do “this” and ask him a question, I told them no and that was up to them to do, I wasn’t in the mood to be screamed at again. Said human quietly said, this person always has to be right. They’re right and I have empathy for this person, however I have no place in the middle of that. And see… this is where I feel some fall short. Meaning human beings take all this garbage into their systems based on what some other human being is doing and they make all these excuses or rationalizations and/or they keep a person around for whatever reason and if you ask them LATER about something? Based on their prior admission to you, it’s a 70/30 % chance that they’ll repeat it the same.
Not all people are like this and I realize there is a reason why people do it. The person I spoke to, I’m referencing now is all like… just let it roll off, don’t worry about it. They’ve been desensitized based on the length of time they’ve dealt with it but … while I understand it? I find it difficult to believe that this person … really believes that it’s not in their system. It is, I’ve seen it. Yet these are the things that human beings hide within themselves as to people or persons they deal with.
In any event, I’m going to write everything down and then when said human has a hissy fit (because they’re pulled every which way but loose among other things because there’s always more to a story and it’s not by me) we’ll have yet another fight about it. Sounds like good clean fun to me.
Another thing I find of great interest is they often accuse everyone else of the very character traits that they have. The bad memory, the control issues etc., etc., I ignore those things for the most part because those conversations are not about me. Those things roll off or I address them each and every time this person brings them up in a manner conducive to diverting responsibility. Gotta go. Life calls