A person puts up things for discussion, the responses vary greatly as it’s about personal growth/psychology topics. They put up one that I saw as to, do people really want to know the truth? My response was “and this includes me” by the way… sometimes I don’t see it either … it’s not that we don’t want to see or know the truth, I think it’s more what I said in response to it, which makes perfect sense to me.
“It’s how open the person is to what is being said and their history as well. What we see may not be what they’re ready to hear or even acknowledge and even then can be rationalized away. How it is presented is always important as you know, as to the amount of resistance you get. ”
I also found a top ten list I made in 2004 (wow, time sure flies) which was pretty good, very coachie … but not bad. It was on the site by Thomas Leonard and it was published. Course, that email is extinct now as well as the email address because I didn’t use it anymore, I was working and doing other things. :) It’s not bad, however as I thought back then as I began to learn more and more, these things are to be used as a guide. Furthermore, it’s interesting how much I’ve implemented most all things on this, save a couple and even more interesting the things that I’d forgotten all about which make perfect sense and I could revisit myself.
:) It seems so cookie cutter like most things I see as well. Not a bad starting point I think.
Top Ten Tips for Having Control Over your life.
1. Give up the thought of controlling others.
The first thing that a person can do for themselves in order to have more control over their own life is to give up any idea that they have any control over another person, their actions or lack thereof. You can’t make someone be nice, and you can’t make someone do the right thing, quit taking drugs or drinking, or do what you feel is right morally or otherwise. Letting go of your expectations is one of the first steps you can take to having more control over your life. It frees up your mind to focus on on yourself and move forward with the things that truly matter to “you” as a person. No more being dragged down by someone else’s procrastination or negativity. Once you take over accountability for your own life you will see that you have more control over it than you ever thought possible.
2. Stop looking in everyone else’s back yard..
We are all guilty of looking at another’s life and thinking, “How come they have this?” Or “How come they have that?” “Why isn’t my life easier?” Think about the time you spend telling yourself stories about how perfect and wonderful the person-next-door’s life is, and how counterproductive and meaningless it really is in the grand scheme of things. Ask yourself questions like, what can I do in my own life to make things better? What can I do to make myself happy? What are some of the things I would like to have/do in my own life that I feel are missing? Make a list for yourself. It is great to want more in your life, however it is not productive for you to dwell on what another has for the simple reason that “all is not always as it seems.” Give this some thought and try it for a while. You may find the results amazing.
3. Give yourself permission.
How many times do you think to yourself, I wish I could do that! I wish I had done that! What stopped you from doing these things? Was it negativity from the people around you? Was it thinking that to step outside of your own comfort zone was too uncomfortable or unfamiliar for you? Just for today, think about something you really want to do, make a plan and then do it. One small example would be, taking an hour to exercise while the family has to take care of itself for an hour. Do it, they’ll all be alive and well when you get done. Ignore negative comments from family and friends who think they are being helpful by saying, “how do you find the time” or “how can you do that?” The only reason they may ask is simply their wishing they had done something differently. Don’t let guilt stop you from enjoying your life a little more each day. Give yourself permission to take time for yourself and schedule things that you would enjoy doing. If you find that you may not have the support system to accomplish things that you would like to do, don’t say “I can’t do this” say “How can I do this” … and make a plan. You’ll be glad you did.
4. Simplify your life.
This can seem impossible but I assure you it can be done. Start by prioritizing what it is you want to accomplish. One way to streamline your life is to learn to ask for help. Learn how to delegate certain things that may take time away from the things you really need or want to do. Streamlining your life can be done by simple time management and organization skills. Initially it may take some extra effort to change your habits but the outcome will be well worth it. You will be more in control of yourself and your life in the process.
5. Define the difference between self-confidence vs. controlling.
To have confidence means that you believe in your ability to set priorities for yourself and stick to them regardless of the influences surrounding you. To control means that you wish to control the actions of others and the outcome of things around you. As the confidence in your own ability grows, it will enable you to let go of outcomes of things that you have no control over in life. This is one of most important steps in having control over your life. Remember, the only person you have any control over is you.
6. Teach people how to treat you.
A crucial step in having more control over your life is the ability to teach others how you wish to be treated. You may not have any control over others actions, however you do have control over how you “allow” others to treat you. If you find yourself constantly stressed due to other people and their actions, you may want to begin asking yourself, is it worth having these people, places or things in your life any longer? Keep your priorities straight and don’t let others deter you from your goals and ambitions.
7. Develop personal boundaries.
What behaviors in other people are acceptable to you, and what behaviors are not? Do you find yourself saying yes to things more often than you’d like? Do you find that you have trouble telling someone no? What is your biggest fear about saying no? Is it rejection? Not being accepted? Not being loved? Part of teaching others how to treat you is to know what kind of behaviors are acceptable to you and what are not. If you feel uncomfortable in a situation you have the right to address the issue or leave. No one can force you to tolerate something that is not ok with you. Your feelings should be respected. If they are not, you may want to reconsider the relationship.
8. Start with heart.
Do you have an empty space in your life? Do you find yourself questioning the things you do or have accomplished? What do you find is missing from your life? One way to discover this is to “start with heart.” Look inside yourself and rediscover your dreams. What were/are they? What stopped you from attaining these goals? Was it lack of support from the people around you? Self limiting beliefs? I’d like you to take some time to reflect on what your dreams are. Make a list of all the things you truly want in your life and begin to take steps towards attaining them. I’m not going to tell you that this will happen overnight, the good news is that you’ll begin to rethink where you are now and where you’d like to be in the future.
9. Develop a support system.
It is important to surround yourself with people who support your new lifestyle. There are people in your life right now who may not understand the changes you will be making and, without meaning to, may undermine your efforts. Surround yourself with people with more positive attitudes who can be there for you when you need that extra boost to stay on track. There are groups on the internet where you can find support, church groups, or you can start a group of your own. Whatever it takes, it helps to have someone in your corner who can hold your hand and help you through this period of positive change in your life.
10. Have gratitude.
Take some time to reflect on the people in your life who have been most helpful to you. Remember to show them that you appreciate their help, either by returning the favor or taking the time to listen to them and be supportive of their choices in their own life. Say thank you for the little things as well as the big things that they have done for you in the past. It will make you feel good to acknowledge them and they will feel appreciated in the process. We all need support and guidance every now and then. Thank those who have helped you along the way. You’ll be glad you did.