Because my daughter is at a sleep over and then… finally I allowed this situation to hit my system. I’ve never cried over it. When I cut this person off, I was … incredibally messed up over it. I wont apologize for how I feel, that would be illogical. As illogical as this situation however I addressed the anger and not the pain. Not how much it hurt and I never addressed how bad it felt either… not in the manner it needed to be addressed anyway.
I’ll let this out and then I’ll move forward. it’s what us humans do and I’ve had wine, have earbuds in with a song that Ronnie Libra put up one day which I adore and it triggered everything here. Yeah I’ve had wine and do you do drugs or would you like to be vague about that too? And you help people you stupid fucking moronic imbecile. <— residual. You'll get over it because… lord knows you're perfect aren't you. :) Myyaaa… go on, justify what you pulled, I'll wait.
See… I adore humans. :) I love their quirks, their minds, who they are and even those who I sense and see and feel feel badly. It's hard to miss. I feel for them and I feel deeply, yet… I can't help them unless they ask. Sometimes I offer things and perhaps they feel better. I like that a lot.
This is not specifically about said situation. Something else triggered this… I have a fuckall hellofalot of life experience and this was that "thing" that sticks in my craw because it solidified that I have horrible judgment in who I like. I really liked this person and I learned a lot from them and I asked out a fucking cartoon for fucks sake but this is about me.
Meaning, I'm seemingly very good at caring and being supportive etc., etc., however … the world is a mess. The people in it are a mess and I adore all these messy humans :) I just can't find one that I'd like to keep. As we get older it seems to get harder… more complicated and the list goes on and on doesn't it? I was involved and watched a conversation about relationships the other day… very detailed, very emotionless, very psychological and as I watched it evolve (and it was fine… but) I entered a comment wherein I said that I miss the naivete of simply liking someone without all that bullshit and nonsense.
What happened to that? Where did that fucking go? I want to play… What happened to that? Oh, yeah life gets complicated. I know… and it's the truth. Furthermore in looking things over as I have it's like …
Did you know what when I began writing about the catfish thing the searches for emotionally unavailable people stopped? it was constant… it was all the time and then suddenly it stopped. I find that odd. It could be a coincidence for sure. It was fucking odd though. Speculation.
I view human being from the perspective of who they are … literally. I don't pay attention to the fluff on the outside. I wait and see. It's a good thing. :)
I need the things I give too. I'm done.