~ Catfish 18 ~ Redirecting Your Focus ~

I don’t recall the date of the last post, however I realized as I wrote about this situation that as I went on, my mind started to redirect me. I’ll explain. The more I talked about it at length and aired it out for myself by writing about it, the better I felt.

I’ve ALWAYS SAID what goes in must come out and this is no different. Right before the last few posts, my mind, because I have read up on reframing and all those good things they teach us in psychology, became to remind me that while this was something I needed to do, I was also missing something that was massively obvious.

I kept saying it throughout many posts and I missed it a bit there. What was that Sue? WELL! I’ll tell you! I kept saying, “You can meet nice people” and “I have continued on to make good friends online” and that these relationships are invaluable. In talking about it, in this way, for myself… It let out all those emotions and feelings associated with the situation.

The quiet voice in my head started to say, “Sue… focus on these cool new people who brighten your day and you enjoy seeing equally as much as when I used to come on here. :) The more I tapped away at the keyboard here, the better I felt, the more I was able to get rid of some of the pent up emotions, fears and feelings associated with this situation. The more I did that, the more I wanted to not feel that way anymore. It’s not like you want to feel a particular way when someone you care about you. It is what it is.

After the last few posts I had several instances wherein people made some changes which triggered this situation, including but not limited to certain things. Since I’ve been talking about it, I’d see it… feel the nerve be struck, be a bit pissed off for a little bit and I thought… fuck … it’s always going to come up, I may as well deal with it one instance at a time since I know how to redirect myself about it.

Some people find this shit funny. Or they’re all like “oh I can’t believe you’d fall for that”. Read this from beginning to end and furthermore pay attention because it’s not uncommon.

I could have this banana head in my circles on Google right now for all I know. It’s true. It’s a possibility. Like with my network I had plenty of people were lurkers. Meaning they’d simply read and never say anything. No, I … would hesitate in truly digging into this thought process because that’s paranoia. I’ve seen stranger things happen and I see ever more strange things that I feel are completely fucked up almost every day.

I’m in awe. I must say. The world is a mess you know. O.o

Have I gotten to my point yet? I’m not sure. Well, my point here is that I do know a lot of nice people right now. Relationships build over time. Read this from beginning to end, it’s the natural course of things how we cultivate friendships.

I have always been angered by someone else making me pay for their shit. So … I pay attention to what I do with others. It’s hard sometimes when you are afraid and I have been afraid on numerous occasions.

I think that part still sucks ass. I mean… I still feel like this person took something from me that I’ve now had to reconcile because of “their” stuff.

It was weird though. After I broadcasted this page? I got two odd text messages from places unknown and then the other day after another post I got a picture of some guy. You wanna talk paranoia? OH HELL YES… I called one number back directly, and responded to the two texts the other I left along.

I mean. It was SO ODD to have happened within the same time frame. Truly.

Oh and … you know, I am a firm believer that things come out over time and what was ALSO weird was… like… not a whole lot of people read this (I have that IP tracker) however… it was like all of a sudden two of my online friends stuck up for me one day and then all these other really cool things happened at the same time. I don’t remember exactly what it was however it was really cool.

I think we should be cautious online. That’s important.

I’ve also been paying attention to all the people who meet in real life from online too. :) It’s SO COOL! Some things and places I can’t afford. Why lie? :) I can’t… you know, other states and stuff.

Anyway… I’m really tired. I haven’t been feeling well for a while now. See ya later.

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