This whole paying attention thing is literally exhausting sometimes.I got into life coaching a while back and I realized that since I was going to be helping others that it’s something that needed to be taken seriously. Meaning, with the things people told me or shared, I’d better have some knowledge about psychology. Some things are core issues and coaching should never be used as the only source of counseling. Don’t ever let a some wizard tell you anything different. Of course, there’s Anthony Robbins who I’ll always say is excellent among others.
I purchased an audio book on NLP yesterday (Neuro-linguistic programming) which is really good. I’ve been listening to it every since. It’s excellent, yet for deeper things this isn’t something that would completely erase certain life experiences. The mind is kind it will repress memories you’ve never even dreamed of to protect you from dealing with it, however it will come up and out years later to be healed. I say healed because it’s part of what happens when you start exploring yourself and you want to be better. I don’t say better lightly.
Note as to above paragraph: Just like this situation here. I’ve always said when same or similar circumstances trigger something or someone that hurt you in the past, you relive it. This, is no different.
I’ve met several clinical psychologists over the past few years and each one had a special surprise. Take my one client at my last law firm. Older gentleman, wrote a book on how not to be a people pleaser yet… the letters he wrote to the office during his divorce showed who he really is. He was a pure victim and then a martyr and the underlying message in anything he sent in was that he married a woman who he could not tell what to do. She did what she wanted regardless of “him telling her she should not” < exact words by the way and then she tip toed all over his retirement fund and bought herself a condo with his money.
He was certainly upset by that little tid bit but I ask you, who gave her the authority over his account in order to remove the money? Certainly some papers had to be signed yet he seemed so surprised by this. You see, my problem, now that I've met more contradicting people is that, he contradicts the very book he wrote by his behavior in his personal life and he quite literally expected to be revered when he called. Something I was not capable of doing. I'm not negating his experience, his schooling or any other thing he's learned in his 70 years of being on the planet. What I am saying is that it doesn't matter what you know, it's how you apply it to your own life and most people are not aware of what they do in their personal lives because it's a different aspect of who they are.
Note: Life coaching teaches you that your actions should mirror your words. It’s about personal integrity as to who you are and who you put out to the world. People sense these contradictions all the time in one another. Some matter greatly and others do not. Most of the time they don’t realize A. they’re doing it or B. If you’re on the receiving end that it’s going on. I’m sure there would be similar classes for psychologists. I do know they have to go through certain tests themselves.
This morning there was a guy who is a creepy person, again, on one of the young girls pages that I know on G+ and in my searches I fell over a conversation where the sex offender was also posting. His comments where gone because after the group of us outed him he closed his account which makes the comments disappear as well. You could see by the responses to him that they were disgusted with the responses by him. What did bother me was there was a gentleman on there twisting around (yes, he's a clinical psychologist) the idea of the entire post in his infinite wisdom and minimizing someone's experiences based on "book knowledge". Well… that's nice considering he may not have ever personally been through any of it himself. So easy to make these assessments of people based on training. Mind you, I understand that's their job and I understand that to be in the field requires a certain amount of dissociation. He nailed it.
I saw a psychologist when I was younger for unbiased assistance who hit on me during a session where after I told the state and the business about him, they advised he was under observation. Oh. Really. Because a closed door session is something you can monitor? He also was forced to have a private practice from home and I'm sure under his wife's nose asking women out in their house. I do hope he lost his license, I offered to testify. Because he abused his privilege as a doctor to manipulate his patients. This is unacceptable behavior and a huge misuse of his position.
At the end of the day they're all human beings. Just like you and just like me. They're going about life doing the best they can with the information provided. I get that. What I don't care for is when it's used to someone's detriment. If you are going to talk the talk, walk the walk as they say. So it's like this. Being in a field means, to me, you have your shit worked out so that when you work with others, there are no contradictions.
There are many who I've come across who are pretty cool very nice, communicative people who you can have open conversations with and just relax and be people together. No, not you, you did a bad thing on a much deeper level and don’t count. It's all in the details isn’t it. My friend years ago was a psychologist and he told me flat out he used to spin his wife's head around based on his knowledge. I ripped him a new asshole for that and he said he didn't do it anymore because he realized it was wrong. Well … DUH.
When I learn things I apply them for good. It's those twists, the calculating vague, pat responses, all knowing and manipulations. My personal pet peeve is manipulation because there are good manipulations such as re-framing and then there is bad manipulation where you use what you know about a person to get your way. The later is always bad as it takes away someone’s conscious choice and they sense this, however because they trust someone they think it’s them with the problem on some level. It's that switch from knowing what they know, which is a part of who they are, and how it's used that bothers me. I have no doubts at all in anything that I'm saying.
I still lerv psychology very much. One should never use it for personal gain in the respect where they use a person's issues against another human being to manipulate them into doing what they want if it is not mutual and enhances the relationship. To do this would be, and is, massively self serving and very unhealthy for all involved. It will, in time, blow up in someone’s face.
As a psychotherapist:
I must first do no harm.
I will promote healing and well-being in my clients and place the client’s and public’s interests above my own at all times.
I will respect the integrity of the persons with whom I am working, and I will remain objective in my relationships with clients and will act with integrity in dealing with other professionals.
I will provide only those services for which I have had the appropriate training and experience and will keep my technical competency at the highest level in order to uphold professional standards of practice.
I will not violate the physical boundaries of the client and will always provide a safe and trusting haven for healing.
I will defend the profession against unjust criticism and defend colleagues against unjust actions.
I will seek to improve and expand my knowledge through continuing education.
I will refrain from any conduct that would reflect adversely upon the best interest of The American Psychotherapy Association and its ethical standards.
It’s not that you shouldn’t have gotten involved or made a friend like me. I’m pretty cool actually I’m adorable. I like me.
You simply should have been a better human being and friend.
Maybe this is your life lesson as to personal integrity and what it really means, to you.