There is a show on television that talks about people who meet online and they deceive one another as to who they really are. Meaning, the person they profess to be, is not exactly who they are.
However, initially, there is no idea that a deception of any kind is occurring. Until later on when they realize, that perhaps they have met someone who is not really, honest. When I watched the program, after a fella at work told me about it, it resurrected some old feelings I had buried and thought were forgotten. I do know better than to think that something that bothers us, goes away until we’ve reconciled it for ourselves, so I guess we could say that I had put certain things in a box in my head and left them there.
Those emotions and feelings never truly went away. They still have not through to this day. They tell you, not to wear your heart on your sleeve or let someone know they got to you and … for YEARS now I’ve wondered why. Unless we’re talking about that manipulative critter Thomas he’s in a class ALL HIS OWN… and thanx KDaddy for talking me out of ripping his balls off the way I really wanted to. It’s not really my nature, I don’t want to, that boy has enough shit going on in his head to contend with. Believe you me, that’s the truth.
Oh and Thomas? Any man who manipulates another human being, into doing what they want, who is married, lies and sucks more and more people into their delusions is, quite literally, one of the biggest fuck paddle son of a bitch assholes I have ever laid eyes on. And I’ve met a few. Please, do not take this as some kind of compliment as to your mind fucking skills. You’re an asshole. Nuff said.
Moving on. :)
I call this series, if you will, Catfish because I identified so greatly with the people on the show. I also want those who pass here to understand something … I don’t care what you think. This is about how we develop relationships in life, friendships from the most surprising places, the needs we have, the voids, the people who fill them and sometimes, it doesn’t work out the way we thought. See… the people we meet online are special. They are because you can play with them, talk to them, share your feelings and life experiences with them and in a manner conducive to them not knowing you at all.
We make awesome connections online. I have. I continue to do so through to today. However, not like I used to. Now I have slow and quiet reservations. I’m hyper vigilant so that’s normal for me anyway, however it’s different now.
What I mean when I say this is that, you can be vulnerable and share things that perhaps you would not share during the normal course of your day or with some of your friends and family. Me? I have a big mouth, I share all kinds of stuff all the time. It’s a gift :) lolol
On here and in the network I had many years ago, I shared quite a lot. And it occurs to me that, I’ve never been afraid to be vulnerable. I’ve been there and done that and because of who I am, hopefully anyway, it’s always been received well. I like that. I like it through to this very second.
I met a friend, online, who I did, in fact, value very much. I still do. I miss this person now and again. Things come up all time surrounding things we discussed and sometimes I smile … okay SO most of the time I smile and then, of course, I get a little sad because we don’t speak anymore.
I want to make it clear that it is not my intention to slam this person. I remember, there is this one new friend I’ve made, who MY GOD their FACE looks JUST LIKE this person. I was … uh… yeah, I was like. Seriously? It was accidental and then, over time, we became friends. They are a sweetheart and the first time we chatted they went to video camera thingy that G+ has and I almost cried right on the spot. Reason being was, they wanted me to feel safe and wanted me to know who I was talking to, so in order to make me feel comfortable and they had no idea of my experience at that point, they just went to video chat. I didn’t realize how much it hurt me to lose my friend based on certain circumstances and just how much it mattered to me (because I put it in a box, in my head, remember?) until that moment.
It happened other times as well and each time, I feel my heart twist up in my chest and it hurts. Because it reminds me of the one thing, I continued to bring up and was sidestepped.
Over time, I told them the story and :) you know, guys want you to lambaste someone. I’m not going to do that. I will hold onto the idea in my mind that while they were here, they were my friend and I will write accordingly. Meaning, I’m not going to divulge anything we discussed which was their business, or their life or whatever. I mean really… that’s not for me to share anyway. Because they were private discussions.
So, moving forward, it’s not about putting this person down in any way. And unless the universe, you know how much of a fan I am of things like that, proves me wrong, that they were not a nice person, overall… I will continue on about this, in a manner that respects, what I felt was a friendship and a person who I valued and truth be told, every now and then, I miss this person and every now and then, I see something that they would have been awesome at discussing and … I can’t drag them over there to it, gleefully mind you, because I made the choice to stop speaking to them based on their decision to not show me who they were. I’m worth, so much more, than that, particularly after a year.
They were kind. They kept me company, they had excellent advise which I still use from time to time. They … lol, I highly doubt they would agree with me however they were me when I was younger. I never mentioned that, I don’t think, however I would see the things they wrote and smile to myself. We’d go back and forth about shit, nonsense, life, relationships and stuff and they gave me shit and I gave them shit. They, to me, were my friend. They are missed.
Mind you. This is not a ploy. I have no agenda. I can’t do that shit. It’s… not right. I’m not going to start now. Nope, nope, nope :)
More another day.