~ Cognitive Diss – Confusion of the Brain ~

Someone put up a political thing and the things said were contradictory. They said how they were experiencing Cognitive Dissonance, so I looked it up to review it again. Very simply explained just for me (and you).

While I’m reading it I thought about all the little contradictions in behaviors and more specifically how I feel when I go to work, i.e., a place where I have to go to make money, don’t really want to go there and my mind keeps searching for the good to reconcile going some place where eventually, they’re going to argue with one another.

It keeps making the trade of off them buying lunch every day and the dogs.

I was like, self? Nothing else? Yeeaaaa… No. I mean come Friday’s I’m so much more hyper, it’s not even a little bit funny. It’s like contained hyper if you will. Smooching all over the dogs is very soothing… mwa, mwa, mwa… such good babies. :)

You could say, well honey, why are you paying so much attention to what someone else is doing? LMAO! You can’t fucking miss this shit, it’s right there, you feel it, you sense it, you know it’s coming and you almost even know WHEN it’s going to show up and by what time and what sets it off.

I recall a brief conversation with someone last year about if we’re born with a certain personality or if our environment creates who we are. I refused to budge on the whole environment making us who we are vs. born a particular way and stay that way and they (If I’m remembering correctly) were more inclined to believe a person has a particular personality from birth. I refused to budge on the belief that our environment makes us who we are.

It’s always come up in my mind because it’s a puzzle. I like to look at all sides and for me it wasn’t about being right, it was about knowing that if I had a choice to be “ME” I would be doing something else. I don’t know exactly what, however due to upbringing and certain choices I do what I do and am who I am. Not soothing at all, nope. Not the way people can be and are in this field.

So, it kept coming up and coming up, one live example after the other and really, we were both right.

If you were to give me the option to just be me, I would be … funny all the time with (I am however…) it’s interrupted by assholes and bad experiences and you simply can not go on experience alone because if you’ve never had a particular experience before and you’re doing your best in that situation how would know to … I don’t know, keep your guard up, have that boundary, set a guideline when you’re trying to do what you feel is the right thing? Go on. Explain it to me, I’ll wait.

Addendum: The funny thing, that portion of my personality is also a soothing coping mechanism developed when I was younger. So, is that really how I was born or was it something that I developed because it served me. It all folds neatly together. If you give it any thought whatsoever. I think if I had to have something to fall back on it would definitely be humor and laughter, because it’s very soothing and it makes one forget the bad for a while. It’s a great stress reliever. Oh yeah, I’m keeping it :) Laughter is the best medicashun on earth.

So life teaches you that you have to develop self protective mechanisms in order to cope with what life throws at you. So, you come out this fresh slate of human being. And the world sinks its teeth in and there you are. If you are some what shy or highly sensitive, which I can be and am (in turn there) you have no choice but to buck up and create these self protective mechanisms.

They take away from who you ARE (from when you’re born, who you are…) at any given moment. So who you are and who you become are integrated and if you are very lucky, you get to be a well adjusted person. O.O

It’s like having to make this decision about my daughter’s surgery. My entire body, literally shut down with the idea that I would give someone permission to perform surgery on my child and I assure you it is not what I want and I looked for the second opinion to make it, so that it did not have to happen. I could not and still cannot, although if she needs that, we will take care of it… reconcile allowing someone to perform surgery on my little stinker. <— affectionate term. :)

How do you do that? I don't like it. Nuff said, my mind just started shutting down right now just thinking bout it.

It’s like … Lemme get the cognitive therapy post I made. :) There you go.

I wrote that when I was trying to reconcile something that I didn’t want to do at the time. I was so angry and hurt and a friend of mine suggested I remove emotion from what I was feeling and apply logic. That was what came out of it.

So, I am a huge fan of psychology … the more I see, the more I feel that we do things against what we really want and need as a person all the time. It’s like reconciling something that someone else has done, so that we can be healthier. Okay, that’s fine, we forgive and let things go, that’s excellent.

It does not remove the emotional triggers from whatever that thing was and it takes a while for certain hurts and experiences to go away. It’s like when ever I’m talking about different things that are psychology based, I think of my friend. Sometimes I smile and I say, OH! They would have LOVED this conversation and been SO GOOD at it and then… I get a little sad, the smile fades.

One of the reasons, I have come to realize that I am kind to others is 1. Because you don’t know what they’ve been through and one should take care 2. Because it’s what I would want for myself. Isn’t that why we do the things we do? I mean, human connection is so very important. It should never mean giving up who you are as an individual at any given moment.

Yet, it seems if we were to go back to who you are, from when you are born, up through to who you are NOW… Yeah. I wouldn’t be so hyper, I would be doing … something else. I don’t know what :)

And hey, I’m not saying that seeing a professional for what ails you is not helpful. I think anyone can benefit from it. I’m simply saying that … well, I don’t remember what my initial thought process really was. :) Shocking. Oh, yeah cognitive dissonance… :) <— confusing shit right there. How people act, what they do, the contradictions, all relevant.

It's why paying attention is so exhausting. Some you can dismiss, others leave a mark, others can be reconciled and you can rationalize them away, I guess. Or they end up in a box in your mind, or a folder (whatever you like) anything you have ever been through in life will be revived with the appropriate emotional trigger. It's very interesting actually. Okay…I'm done. I'm hungry now. Later.

Oh and by the way, Fuck you life lessons. :)

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