This was originally posted in January, 2013. This was also about my situation, however it was the vague way I was trying to address it, which did not work.
That was a good search someone did. So boys and girls what happens when you have intuitive pangs about a person and you’re already emotionally attached to them? That’s a cluster fuck, it really is. It’s comparable to spilling something on your favorite outfit. You know you love that outfit, now it has a stain, you’re going to wear it again because you REALLY like it. And all the while, under the surface, your anxiety grows.
I watched the TV show Catfish the other night. The show is about people who meet someone online and later meet them face to face, only to find out that they’re not exactly who they professed themselves to be. As a matter of fact, in all the cases they show (which is awesome for ratings, don’t you think? yeaaaa) the individual they meet is the polar opposite of the picture they put up and a whole bunch of other things. What I think makes them brave is they go on the show and admit why they lied.
They’re good people who developed an emotional connection to someone online (yah, I’ve NEVER done thaaat) and they go on this show to meet the other person. What the guys do, is do a picture search and some detective work to see if the person is really who they say they are. That, to me, is a no brainer BUT you have to have a real picture of a person that works best.
To me, the people on the show probably had some inkling, some intuitive pang at some point, otherwise they wouldn’t have called the show in the first place. Watching them reconcile the difference between who they thought they were talking to and who the person really is, is very interesting. You see no expression on their face really, you almost can see their mind shut down and their brain start trying to reconcile this massive difference in regard to this person who has come to matter to them so much.
The one they’ve developed an emotional connection to is not who they thought. While I don’t agree with doing such a thing, the people who did it are not stalkers or bastards (well, okay big fat liars but…) just people who got sucked in and made a connection with someone else. And before you know it, they mattered to one another, in very significant ways.
You know, you’re developing an emotional attachment to someone. You know approximately that “instant” when you look forward to seeing them and you realize it and you look forward to it.
When you start getting intuitive pangs that something isn’t right… it’s that point I’ve been writing about, you make a decision during those intuitive little messages your system sends you, to continue forward. We’re not talking about blaming one human being for liking someone or for giving the benefit of the doubt. I think that’s healthy, goes to being fair minded and cultivating friendships.
The other individual is in it too. They’re talking to you, you’re talking to them, the connection is made and everything seems okay. Unfortunately, it isn’t in some cases and it’s identical to how the show portrays it to be. You can address whatever it is that makes you uncomfortable. You can read the following in case your wondering how it works. Stalemates
Exquisite Pain *Yeeeouch! (Relationships)
If you address something with someone and you are truly okay with what they’ve said as their reason for WHATEVER bothers you and you give the benefit of the doubt and it keeps coming up for you, over and over again.
You’re being honest.
You’re being sincere.
You’re not being secretive in any way.
The question becomes why would you (and I already understand the answer to this, but ask yourself anyway) allow it to move forward? The more you ask, the more uncomfortable you feel over time. Your system, your intuition will keep screaming at you, because something doesn’t sit well with you. While you’re busy trying to do the right thing, that feeling, those inklings is only going to get worse. Because you don’t know who you’re talking to and that’s threatening on many levels.
I mean, look at what Thomas did to people and we could all see that boys face right? Yeeup.
I had a person I wasn’t speaking to anymore years ago, who pretended to be someone else and he was making me logo’s for my website. I figured, Okay… saw him on my personal growth network, offered to make me logo’s that was not at all strange. People were doing stuff like that all the time.
People have patterns of behavior. They have patterns of speech, they feel the same way, even online. Which goes back to how you feel. It may take a while to start sensing it but it’s there. This guy turned out to be the guy who I dismissed a little over a year later, under the guise of someone else’s name. I started telling him, you seem very familiar to me. He began using words and verbal (so to speak) writing patterns that were unmistakable. See the post I made where I talked about how each person, I meet has a little folder in my head which contains little snippets of information and patterns for that person. It was him. Previously, he tried to lure me into a relationship with him and he was married. The fact that we were friends 20 years prior disgusted me even further.
When you have intuitive pangs about a person and you ask them questions, paying attention to what they say, is important. If you watch the show “Lie to me” there’s reasons why people lie. If you watch the show Catfish, those people have reasons why they lied too and you can empathize with them. In the end, if it affects you to the point where you’re trying to justify talking to them, when you’re open to them and they are not open to you on a level that makes you feel comfortable and safe …
They leave you no choice. If they’re not being open and you’re becoming increasingly uncomfortable, because you do have an attachment to them, you have a decision to make. I assure you it hurts. It hurt me last year, very much and I had those intuitive little pangs along the way. To my credit, I addressed them and we talked about many things for almost a year. In the end, we weren’t on the same page, they were comfortable with the way things were.
Be good to each other. :)