Originally posted 8/24/11. Relative to something else I wanted to talk about today and I’m putting some things back on here that are relative to all the things I like to talk about. Someone mentioned to me last night, nice person certainly, that they admire my diligence as it pertains to going after the bad guy. I mentioned I’d like to relax and be calm, carefree etc., and they were of the mind to be relaxed and just do what you have to do. Something like that, they meant well, I’m positive of it. I had 4 paragraphs in my mind as to how it’s not so easy for me at all. I went with thank you and they could go after them, I’d run whoever over with my car if they couldn’t handle it. (end preface)
Being highly sensitive to external stimulus (who isn’t) on all levels, visual, touch, emotional… I’ve read and learned about how to master our emotions. Yet they are an integral part of who we are because we’re emotional beings. Yes?
We use emotions so many different ways. Some use it to manipulate because it works. Not always in a healthy way either. There are good methods of manipulation too, which are used to motivate a person in a healthy way. I’ve always found this to be a double edged sword. This isn’t what I want to talk about though.
I am an avid fan of Anthony Robbins as well as many other things pertaining to personal growth. Emotions is one of the most important aspects, because when something happens, we react to it. I’m not sure how you can’t. Robbins talks about mastering your emotions and how we can temper what it means to us and how we feel, so that we can react better. Not solely out of anger or jealousy etc., to me I’ve listened to his tapes and records over and over again. I have the principles down. What I have learned, is that there are simply those emotions we have to move through vs. learn how to “control”. NORMAL ranges of emotions like grief as an example. You don’t rationalize grief. How about childhood wounds and scars we go around trying to fix in our adult relationships? You don’t rationalize those away, you identify them and sometimes then knock you on your ass.
I remember Dr. Phil has a book, he describes counseling a woman was molested by an Uncle in early childhood. He tapped her into how that felt emotionally, led her to her rage, suppressed emotions which made her difficult to deal with and all of her arms length self protective mechanisms… and then, he did a wonderful thing. When she hit rage … when she was right there in that moment… he turned her around and there was a dummy with a picture of the guy who molested her and he told her to tell it off (the real asshole was dead) take out all her rage, hatred and pain on this dummy. What happened thereafter was she wasn’t holding this in any longer and she became the loving person she was all along, however had difficulty expressing due to her experience. See, that was amazing and I remember she had apologized to her husband for being afraid all those years to let him “in” emotionally due to what had happened to her.
The exercise created a safe environment for her to let all of that rage, hurt, pain, shame, out of her system. Years of suppressed emotions, flooding gleefully to the surface. I’m a fan of what goes in must come out. You don’t just become this reaction free zone. WTF? You can learn to manage your emotions better, how you react etc., however … reaction free?
Robbins talks about how to manage things and how you feel about things, how you can learn to process… I assure you though, you touch on something significant and it will knock you to your knees. I’ve already been there, that’s why all these things combine together. A coach should be used in conjunction, in my personal belief, with a psychologist. I don’t believe we should have one without the other.
Life, your memories, things you have been through and the things you see, dig up and have emotional affects on us. To deny this, to use rational thinking as the ONLY guide, to me is not a good idea. To have tools to temper us and heal, excellent idea.
To assume something we know about ourselves on a subconscious level is going to flit out the moment we’re asked, perhaps after not verbalizing it “ever”… takes time. Thought, and remember most people are not asked these questions on a day to day basis, most people are walking around contending with their own stuff. We are emotional beings. If you suppress things, you can end up sick, depressed, angry… etc., What goes in, must come out and you need a safe environment where you trust the people around you as to what you are going through.
Having the tools to do this, is a wonderful, wonderful thing. Your attitude, you’re perspectives, you experiences and how you process them are all very important aspects of personal growth.
You’re going to FEEL … what goes in must come out. And it will come out, I promise you that. The only thing I shy away from is the thought process that we can think our way out of an emotion that we’ve recently discovered. A hurt from the past, a reaction… picture seeing someone kick a puppy… you going to stand there and let that happen? Or, elder abuse… no reaction? Maybe instead of slapping the tar out of the attendant which would get you into trouble, you go after them legally. Sure, that’s much better. I agree, manage your emotions more effectively make the right choices, let it pass and process… okay. Great.
Sure, we have self control. Some may not, I may not when I see someone being hurt, (digression) except for a 10 second window of I can’t believe what I’m seeing here…
I mean, people? Growth is great, comes with a lot of self awareness and processing and learning. However you don’t get to a reaction free, completely free zone. I’m sorry this is something I go back and forth on in my mind over and over… we can temper it, but where does it go? That, no one has ever answered for me… I’d like that. An answer to that question… WHERE does it go…
(Edit: If you do not address whatever that thing is, it will come up again when same or similar situations present itself. Even if you’ve forgotten all about it and it’s something old. Some people remember the origin of things over time you don’t “have” to remember where it came from to work on the emotional reaction you have. That’s where CBT is very helpful.
Some, people don’t like psychologists because there seems to be a stigma still to this day that they are crazy. When I tried seeing a counselor, I had to report the one and the other was a “pastor” of all things, who was so despicably manipulative I felt uncomfortable just being in the room with him. I was looking for the tools. The problem was they didn’t have what I needed. Aside from the fact I ran circles around them. I had to tell one guy to keep me on topic. I caught myself skirting an issue and I called and left him a message and asked him to pay attention.
I’m not saying all counselors are bad, these were my experiences, however there are books and books and websites and you type in a word and you can learn so many things. So many valuable things to help yourself. You need support though… you need to be part of a group that’s momentum is UP … and there will be down days too, however the overall feel of the group must be supportive and safe.